Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
Left alone, Willoughby Braddock found that his appetite for tea had
deserted him. Claire, grateful for his services, had rather extended
herself over the buttered toast, but it had no appeal for him. He
lighted a cigarette and went out to fiddle with the machinery of his
two-seater, always an assistance to thought.
But even the carburettor, which had one of those fascinating ailments to
which carburettors are subject, yielded him no balm. He was thoroughly
upset and worried.
He climbed into the car and gave himself up to gloomy meditation, and
presently voices down the road announced the return of Kay and Sam. They
were chatting away in the friendliest possible fashion--from where he
sat, Willoughby Braddock could hear Kay’s clear laugh ringing out
happily--and it seemed to Mr. Braddock, though he was no austerer
moralist than the rest of his generation, that things were in a position
only to be described as a bit thick. He climbed down and waited on the
pavement.
“Why, hullo, Willoughby,” said Kay. “This is fine. Have you just
arrived? Come in and have some tea.”
“I’ve had tea, thanks. That girl Claire gave me some, thanks.... I say,
Sam, could I have a word with you?”
“Say on,” said Sam.
“In private, I mean. You don’t mind, Kay?”
“Not a bit. I’ll go in and order tea.”
Kay disappeared into the house; and Sam, looking at Mr. Braddock,
observed with some surprise that his face had turned a vivid red and
that his eyes were fastened upon him in a reproachful stare.
“What’s up?” he asked, concerned.
Willoughby Braddock cleared his throat.
“You know, Sam----”
“But I don’t,” said Sam, as he paused.
“----you know, Sam, I’m not a--nobody would call me a---- Dash it, now
I’ve forgotten the word!”
“Beauty?” hazarded Sam.
“It’s on the tip of my tongue--Puritan. That’s the word I want. I’m not
a Puritan. Not strait-laced, you know. But, really, honestly, Sam, old
man--I mean, dash it all!”
Sam stroked his chin thoughtfully.
“I still don’t quite get it, Bradder,” he said. “What exactly is the
trouble?”
“Well, I mean, on the premises, old boy, absolutely on the premises--is
it playing the game? I mean, next door to people who are pals of mine
and taking Kay to the theatre and generally going on as if nothing was
wrong.”
“Well, what is wrong?” asked Sam patiently.
“Well, when it comes to the vicar beetling in and complaining about
women in your bedroom----”
“What?”
“He said he heard her.”
“Heard a woman in my bedroom?”
“Yes.”
“He must be crazy. When?”
“Just now.”
“This beats me.”
“Well, that was what he said, anyway. Dashed unpleasant he was about it
too. Oh, and there’s another thing, Sam. I wish you’d ask that man of
yours not to call me brother. He----”
“Great Cæsar!” said Sam.
He took Willoughby Braddock by the arm and urged him toward the steps.
His face wore a purposeful look.
“You go in, like a good chap, and talk to Kay,” he said. “Tell her I’ll
be in in a minute. There’s something I’ve got to look into.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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