Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
The exigencies of a difficult profession had made Soapy Molloy a quick
thinker. Frequently in the course of a busy life he had found himself in
positions where a split second was all that was allowed him for forming
a complete plan of action. His trained mind answered to the present
emergency like a machine.
“You certainly did startle me,” he said bluffly, in his best Thomas G.
Gunn manner. “You startled the daylights out of me. So here you are at
last, Mr. Shotter.”
“Yes, here I am.”
“I have been waiting quite some little time. I’m afraid you caught me on
the point of going to sleep.”
He chuckled, as a man will when the laugh is on him.
“I should imagine,” said Sam, “that it would take a smart man to catch
you asleep.”
Mr. Molloy chuckled again.
“Just what the boys used to say of me in Denver City.” He paused and
looked at Sam a little anxiously. “Say, you do remember me, Mr.
Shotter?”
“I certainly do.”
“You remember my calling here the other day to see my old home?”
“I remember you before that--when you were in Sing Sing.”
He turned away to light the gas, and Mr. Molloy was glad of the interval
for thought afforded by this action.
“Sing Sing?”
“Yes.”
“You were never there.”
“I went there to see a show, in which you took an important part. I
forget what your number was.”
“And what of it?”
“Eh?”
Mr. Molloy drew himself up with considerable dignity.
“What of it?” he repeated. “What if I was for a brief period--owing to a
prejudiced judge and a packed jury--in the place you mention? I decline
to have the fact taken as a slur on my character. You are an American,
Mr. Shotter, and you know that there is unfortunately a dark side to
American politics. My fearless efforts on behalf of the party of reform
and progress brought me into open hostility with a gang of unscrupulous
men, who did not hesitate to have me arrested on a trumped-up charge
and----”
“All this,” said Sam, “would go a lot stronger with me if I hadn’t found
you burgling my house.”
It would have been difficult to say whether the expression that swept
over Mr. Molloy’s fine face was more largely indignation or amazement.
“Burgling your house? Are you insane? I called here in the hope of
seeing you, was informed that you were not at home, and was invited by
your manservant, a most civil fellow, to await your return. Burgling
your house, indeed! If I were, would you have found me lying on the
sofa?”
“Hash let you in?”
Such was the magnetic quality of the personality of one who had often
sold large blocks of shares in nonexistent oil wells to Scotchmen, that
Sam was beginning in spite of himself to be doubtful.
“If Hash is the name of your manservant, most certainly he let me in. He
admitted me by the front door in the perfectly normal and conventional
manner customary when gentlemen pay calls.”
“Where is Hash?”
“Why ask me?”
Sam went to the door. The generous indignation of his visitor had caused
him to waver, but it had not altogether convinced him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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