Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
“Certainly he will,” said Sam warmly. “Mr. Wrenn would like a breath of
fresh air.”
With considerable satisfaction he heard the front door close on the
non-essential members of the party.
“What an extraordinary thing!” said Kay.
“Yes,” said Sam, drawing his chair closer. “The aspect of the affair
that strikes me----”
“What became of the man?”
“He’s all right. I left him in the drawing-room.”
“But he’ll escape.”
“Oh, no.”
“Why not?”
“Well, he won’t.”
“But all he’s got to do is walk out of the door.”
“Yes, but he won’t do it.” Sam drew his chair still closer. “I was
saying that the aspect of the affair that strikes me most forcibly is
that now I shall be in a position to marry and do it properly.”
“Are you thinking of marrying someone?”
“I think of nothing else. Well, now, to look into this. The bank will
probably give a ten per cent reward for the return of the stuff. Even
five per cent would be a nice little sum. That fixes the financial end
of the thing. So now----”
“You seem very certain that you will find this money.”
“Oh, I shall find it, have no fear. If it’s there----”
“Yes, but perhaps it isn’t.”
“I feel sure that it is. So now let’s make our plans. We will buy a farm
somewhere, don’t you think?”
“I have no objection to your buying a farm.”
“I said we. We will buy a farm, and there settle down and live to a ripe
old age on milk, honey and the produce of the soil. You will wear a
gingham gown, I shall grow a beard. We will keep dogs, pigeons, cats,
sheep, fowls, horses, cows, and a tortoise to keep in the garden. Good
for the snails,” explained Sam.
“Bad for them, I should think. Are you fond of tortoises?”
“Aren’t you?”
“Not very.”
“Then,” said Sam magnanimously, “we will waive the tortoise.”
“It sounds like a forgotten sport of the past--Waving the Tortoise.”
“To resume. We decide on the farm. Right! Now where is it to be? You are
a Wiltshire girl, so no doubt will prefer that county. I can’t afford
to buy back Midways for you, I’m afraid, unless on second thoughts I
decide to stick to the entire proceeds instead of handing them back to
the bank--we shall have to talk that over later--but isn’t there some
old greystone, honeysuckle-covered place in the famous Braddock
estates?”
“Good heavens!”
“What’s the matter?”
“You said you had left that man in your drawing-room.”
“Well?”
“I’ve suddenly remembered that I sent Willoughby over to Mon Repos ten
minutes ago to find out why you were so long. He’s probably being
murdered.”
“Oh, I shouldn’t think so. To go back to what I was saying----”
“You must go and see at once.”
“Do you really think it’s necessary?”
“Of course it is.”
“Oh, very well.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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