Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
“But your uncle’s very rich, isn’t he?”
“What does that matter?” Sam’s voice shook. “Lord Tilbury was good
enough to inform me that my only way of making a living was to sponge on
my uncle, but I’m not going to have you thinking it.”
“But--well, why are you going then?”
Sam choked.
“I’ll tell you why I’m going. Simply because I might as well be in New
York as anywhere. If there was the slightest hope that by staying on
here I could get you to--to marry me----” His hand rasped on the fence
again. “Of course, I know there isn’t. I know you don’t take me
seriously. I haven’t any illusions about myself. I know just what I
amount to in your eyes. I’m the fellow who blunders about and trips over
himself and is rather amusing when you’re in the mood. But I don’t
count. I don’t amount to anything.” Kay stirred in the darkness, but she
did not speak. “You think I’m kidding all the time. Well, I just want
you to know this--that I’m not kidding about the way I feel about you. I
used to dream over that photograph before I’d ever met you. And when I
met you I knew one thing for certain, and that was there wasn’t ever
going to be anyone except you ever. I know you don’t care about me and
never will. Why should you? What on earth is there about me that could
make you? I’m just a----”
A little ripple of laughter came from the shadows.
“Poor old Sam!” said Kay.
“Yes! There you are--in a nutshell! Poor old Sam!”
“I’m sorry I laughed. But it was so funny to hear you denouncing
yourself in that grand way.”
“Exactly! Funny!”
“Well, what’s wrong with being funny? I like funny people. I’d no notion
you had such hidden depths, Sam. Though, of course, the palmist said
you had, didn’t she?”
The train had climbed the hill and was now rumbling off into the
distance. A smell of burning leaves came floating over the gardens.
“I don’t blame you for laughing,” said Sam. “Pray laugh if you wish to.”
Kay availed herself of the permission.
“Oh, Sam, you are a pompous old ass, aren’t you? ‘Pray laugh if you wish
to’!... Sam!”
“Well?”
“Do you really mean that you would stay on in England if I promised to
marry you?”
“Yes.”
“And offend your rich uncle for life and get cut off with a dollar or
whatever they cut nephews off with in America?”
“Yes.”
Kay reached up at Sam’s head and gave his hair a little proprietorial
tug.
“Well, why don’t you, Sambo?” she said softly.
It seemed to Sam that in some strange way his powers of breathing had
become temporarily suspended. A curious dry feeling had invaded his
throat. He could hear his heart thumping.
“What?” he croaked huskily.
“I said why--do--you--not, Samivel?” whispered Kay, punctuating the
words with little tugs.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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