Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
“Well, I have. It was at Midways, when I was nine. I had borrowed it
from the page boy, who was a great friend of mine, and it was about a
man called Cincinnati Kit, who went round most of the time in a mask,
with lots of revolvers. I had just got half-way in it when my governess
caught me and I was sent to bed and the book was burned. So I never
found out what happened in the little room with the steel walls behind
the bar at the Blue Gulch Saloon. I didn’t get over the disappointment
for years. Well, when you told me you were going away, I suddenly
realised that this awful thing was on the point of happening to me
again, and this time I knew I would never get over it. It suddenly
flashed upon me that there was absolutely nothing worth while in life
except to be with you and watch you and wonder what perfectly mad thing
you would be up to next. Would Aunt Ysobel say that that was love?”
“She would,” said Sam with conviction.
“Well, it’s my form of it, anyhow. I just want to be with you for years
and years and years, wondering what you’re going to do next.”
“I’ll tell you what I’m going to do at this moment,” said Sam. “I’m
going to kiss you.”
Time passed.
“Kay,” said Sam.
“Yes?”
“Do you know---- No, you’ll laugh.”
“I promise I won’t. What were you going to say?”
“That photograph of you--the one I found in the fishing hut.”
“What about it?”
“I kissed it once.”
“Only once?”
“No,” said Sam stoutly. “If you really want the truth, every day; every
blessed single day, and several times a day. Now laugh!”
“No; I’m going to laugh at you all the rest of my life, but not
to-night. You’re a darling, and I suppose,” said Kay thoughtfully, “I’d
better go and tell uncle so, hadn’t I, if he has got back?”
“Tell your uncle?”
“Well, he likes to know what’s going on around him in the home.”
“But that means that you’ll have to go in.”
“Only for a minute. I shall just pop my head in at the door and say ‘Oh,
uncle, talking of Sam, I love him.’”
“Look here,” said Sam earnestly, “if you will swear on your word of
honour--your sacred word of honour--not to be gone more than thirty
seconds----”
“As if I could keep away from you longer than that!” said Kay.
Left alone in a bleak world, Sam found his thoughts taking for a while a
sombre turn. In the exhilaration of the recent miracle which had altered
the whole face of the planet, he had tended somewhat to overlook the
fact that for a man about to enter upon the sacred state of matrimony he
was a little ill equipped with the means of supporting a home. His
weekly salary was in his pocket, and a small sum stood to his credit in
a Lombard Street bank; but he could not, he realised, be considered an
exceptionally good match for the least exacting of girls. Indeed, at the
moment, like the gentleman in the song, all he was in a position to
offer his bride was a happy disposition and a wild desire to succeed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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