Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
Those captious critics who are always on the alert to catch the
historian napping and expose in his relation of events some damaging
flaw will no doubt have seized avidly on what appears to be a blunder in
the incident just recorded. Where, they will ask, did Willoughby
Braddock get the revolver, without which a man may say “Hands up!” till
he is hoarse and achieve no result? For of all the indispensable
articles of costume which the well-dressed man must wear if he wishes to
go about saying “Hands up!” to burglars, a revolver is the one which can
least easily be omitted.
We have no secrets from posterity. Willoughby Braddock possessed no
revolver. But he had four fingers on his right hand, and two of these he
was now thrusting earnestly against the inside of his coat pocket. Wax
to receive and marble to retain, Willoughby Braddock had not forgotten
the ingenious subterfuge by means of which Soapy Molloy had been enabled
to intimidate Lord Tilbury, and he employed it now upon Chimp Twist.
“You low blister!” said Mr. Braddock.
Whether this simple device would have been effective with a person of
ferocious and hard-boiled temperament, one cannot say; but fortunately
Chimp was not of this description. His strength was rather of the head
than of the heart. He was a man who shrank timidly from even the
appearance of violence; and though he may have had doubts as to the
genuineness of Mr. Braddock’s pistol, he had none concerning the
latter’s physique. Willoughby Braddock was no Hercules, but he was some
four inches taller and some sixty pounds heavier than Chimp, and it was
not in Mr. Twist’s character to embark upon a rough-and-tumble with such
odds against him.
Indeed, Chimp would not lightly have embarked on a rough-and-tumble with
anyone who was not an infant in arms or a member of the personnel of
Singer’s Troupe of Midgets.
He tottered against the wall and stood there, blinking. The sudden
materialisation of Willoughby Braddock, apparently out of thin air, had
given him a violent shock, from which he had not even begun to recover.
“You man of wrath!” said Mr. Braddock.
The footsteps of one leaping from stair to stair made themselves heard.
Sam charged in.
“What’s up?”
Mr. Braddock, with pardonable unction, directed his notice to the
captive.
“Another of the gang,” he said. “I caught him.”
Sam gazed at Chimp and looked away, disappointed.
“You poor idiot,” he said peevishly. “That’s my odd-job man.”
“What?”
“My odd-job man.”
Willoughby Braddock felt for an instant damped. Then his spirits rose
again. He knew little of the duties of odd-job men; but whatever they
were, this one, he felt, had surely exceeded them.
“Well, why was he digging up the floor?”
And Sam, glancing down, saw that this was what his eccentric employee
had, indeed, been doing; and suspicion blazed up within him.
“What’s the game?” he demanded, eying Chimp.
“Exactly,” said Mr. Braddock. “The game--what is it?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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