Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
It is a curious fact, and one frequently noted by philosophers, that
every woman in this world cherishes within herself a deep-rooted belief,
from which nothing can shake her, that the particular man to whom she
has plighted her love is to be held personally blameworthy for
practically all of the untoward happenings of life. The vapid and
irreflective would call these things accidents, but she knows better. If
she arrives at a station at five minutes past nine to catch a train
which has already left at nine minutes past five, she knows that it is
her Henry who is responsible, just as he was responsible the day before
for a shower of rain coming on when she was wearing her new hat.
But there was sterling stuff in Kay Derrick. Although no doubt she felt
in her secret heart that the omission of the late Mr. Edward Finglass to
deposit his ill-gotten gains beneath the floor of the top back bedroom
of Mon Repos could somehow have been avoided if Sam had shown a little
enterprise and common sense, she uttered no word of reproach. Her
reception of the bad news, indeed, when, coming out into the garden, he
saw her waiting for him on the lawn of San Rafael and climbed the fence
to deliver it, was such as to confirm once and for all his enthusiastic
view of her splendid qualities. Where others would have blamed, she
sympathised. And not content with mere sympathy, she went on to minimise
the disaster with soothing argument.
“What does it matter?” she said. “We have each other.”
The mind of man, no less than that of woman, works strangely. When, a
few days before, Sam had read that identical sentiment, couched in
almost exactly the same words, as part of the speech addressed by Leslie
Mordyke to the girl of his choice in the third galley of Cordelia
Blair’s gripping serial, _Hearts Aflame_, he had actually gone so far as
to write in the margin the words, “Silly fool!” Now he felt that he had
never heard anything not merely so beautiful but so thoroughly sensible,
practical and inspired.
“That’s right!” he cried.
If he had been standing by a table he would have banged it with his
fist. Situated as he was, in the middle of a garden, all he could do was
to kiss Kay. This he did.
“Of course,” he said, when the first paroxysm of enthusiasm had passed,
“there’s just this one point to be taken into consideration. I’ve lost
my job, and I don’t know how I’m to get another.”
“Of course you’ll get another!”
“Why, so I will!” said Sam, astounded by the clearness of her reasoning.
The idea that the female intelligence was inferior to the male seemed to
him a gross fallacy. How few men could have thought a thing all out in
a flash like that.
“It may not be a big job, but that will be all the more fun.”
“So it will.”
“I always think that people who marry on practically nothing have a
wonderful time.”
“Terrific!”
“So exciting.”
“Yes.”
“I can cook a bit.”
“I can wash dishes.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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