Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
A wave of emotion poured over Sam. Only yesterday he had been correcting
the proofs of a short story designed for a forthcoming issue of Pyke’s
_Home Companion_--_Celia’s Airman_, by Louise G. Boffin--and had curled
his lip with superior masculine scorn at what had seemed to him the
naïve sentimentality of its central theme. Celia had quarrelled with her
lover, a young wing commander in the air force, and they had become
reconciled owing to the latter saving her canary. In a mad moment in
which his critical faculties must have been completely blurred, Sam had
thought the situation far-fetched; but now he offered up a silent
apology to Miss Boffin, realising that it was from the sheer, stark
facts of life that she had drawn her inspiration.
“You want her brought down?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Leave it to me,” said Sam. “Leave it absolutely to me--leave the whole
thing entirely and completely to me.”
“It’s awfully good of you.”
“Not at all,” said Sam tenderly. “There is nothing I wouldn’t do for
you--nothing. I was saying to myself only just now----”
“I shouldn’t,” said Hash heavily. “Only go breaking your neck. What we
ought to do ’ere is to stand under the tree and chirrup.”
Sam frowned.
“You appear to me, Hash,” he said with some severity, “to think that
your mission in life is to chirrup. If you devoted half the time to work
that you do to practicing your chirruping, Mon Repos would be a better
and a sweeter place.”
He hoisted himself into the tree and began to climb rapidly. So much
progress did he make that when, a few moments later, Kay called to him,
he could not distinguish her words. He scrambled down again.
“What did you say?” he asked.
“I only said take care,” said Kay.
“Oh!” said Sam.
He resumed his climb. Hash followed him with a pessimistic eye.
“A cousin of mine broke two ribs playing this sort of silly game,” he
said moodily. “Light-haired feller named George Turner. Had a job
pruning the ellums on a gentleman’s place down Chigwell way. Two ribs he
broke, besides a number of contusions.”
He was aggrieved to find that Kay was not giving that attention to the
story which its drama and human interest deserved.
“Two ribs,” he repeated in a louder voice. “Also cuts, scratches and
contusions. Ellums are treacherous things. You think the branches is all
right, but lean your weight on ’em and they snap. That’s an ellum he’s
climbing now.”
“Oh, be quiet!” said Kay nervously. She was following Sam’s movements as
tensely as ever Celia followed her airman’s. It did look horribly
dangerous, what he was doing.
“The proper thing we ought to have done ’ere was to have took a blanket
and a ladder and a pole and to have held the blanket spread out and
climbed the ladder and prodded at that there cat with the pole, same as
they do at fires,” said Hash, casting an unwarrantable slur on the
humane methods of the fire brigade.
“Oh, well done!” cried Kay.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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