Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
This afternoon he was sitting, as usual, with the solitaire pack laid
out on the table before him, but his mind was not on the game. He was
musing on Soapy Molloy’s story of his failure to persuade Sam to
evacuate Mon Repos.
To an extent, this failure had complicated matters; and yet there was a
bright side. To have walked in and collected the late Edward Finglass’
legacy without let or hindrance would have been agreeable; but, on the
other hand, it would have involved sharing with Soapy and his bride;
and Chimp was by nature one of those men who, when there is money about,
instinctively dislike seeing even a portion of it get away from them. It
seemed to him that a man of his admitted ingenuity might very well
evolve some scheme by which the Molloy family could be successfully
excluded from all participation in the treasure.
It only required a little thought, felt Chimp; and he was still thinking
when a confused noise without announced the arrival of Lord Tilbury.
The opening of the door was followed by a silence. Lord Tilbury was not
built for speed, and the rapidity with which he had crossed the street
and mounted four flights of stairs had left him in a condition where he
was able only to sink into a chair and pant like a spent seal. As for
Chimp, he was too deeply moved to speak. Even when lying back in a chair
and saying “Woof!” Lord Tilbury still retained the unmistakable look of
one to whom bank managers grovel, and the sudden apparition of such a
man affected him like a miracle. He felt as if he had been fishing idly
for minnows and landed a tarpon.
Being, however, a man of resource, he soon recovered himself. Placing a
foot on a button beneath the table, he caused a sharp ringing to pervade
the office.
“Excuse me,” he said, politely but with a busy man’s curtness, as he
took up the telephone. “Yes? Yes? Yes, this is the Tilbury Detective
Agency.... Scotland Yard? Right, I’ll hold the wire.”
He placed a hand over the transmitter and turned to Lord Tilbury with a
little rueful grimace.
“Always bothering me,” he said.
“Woof!” said Lord Tilbury.
Mr. Twist renewed his attention to the telephone.
“Hullo!... Sir John? Good afternoon.... Yes.... Yes.... We are doing our
best, Sir John. We are always anxious to oblige headquarters.... Yes....
Yes.... Very well, Sir John. Good-bye.”
He replaced the receiver and was at Lord Tilbury’s disposal.
“If the Yard would get rid of their antiquated system and give more
scope to men of brains,” he said, not bitterly but with a touch of
annoyance, “they would not always have to be appealing to us to help
them out. Did you know that a man cannot be a detective at Scotland Yard
unless he is over a certain height?”
“You surprise me,” said Lord Tilbury, who was now feeling better.
“Five-foot-nine, I believe it is. Could there be an absurder
regulation?”
“It sounds ridiculous.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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