Sandra Belloni (originally Emilia in England) — CompleteMeredith, George
General
Sandra Belloni (originally Emilia in England) — Complete
Meredith, George
English fiction -- 19th century
And here began a terrible trial for the children of Nine Shades. To save
a father they had to lie grievously--to continue the lie from day to
day--to turn it from a lie extensive and inappreciable to the lie minute
and absolute. Then, to get a particle of truth out of this monstrous
lie, they had to petition in utter humiliation the woman they had
scorned, that she would return among them and consider their house
her own. No answer came from Mrs. Chump; and as each day passed, the
querulous invalid, still painfully acting the man in health, had to
be fed with fresh lies; until at last, writing of one of the scenes in
Brookfield, Arabella put down the word in all its unblessed aboriginal
bluntness, and did not ask herself whether she shrank from it. “Lies!”
she wrote. “What has happened to Bella?” thought Adela, in pure wonder.
Salt-air and dazzling society kept all idea of penance from this
vivacious young person. It was queer that Sit Twickenham should be at
the seaside, instead of at Brookfield, wooing; but a man's physical
condition should be an excuse for any intermission of attentions. “Now
that I know him better,” wrote Adela, “I think him the pink of chivalry;
and of this I am sure I can convince you, Bella, C. will be blessed
indeed; for a delicate nature in a man of the world is a treasure. He
has a beautiful little vessel of his own sailing beside us.”
Arabella was critic enough to smile at this last. On the whole she
was passably content for the moment, in a severe fashion, save to feel
herself the dreadful lying engine and fruitlessly abject person that she
had become.
We imagine that when souls have had a fall, they immediately look up
and contrast their present with their preceding position. This does not
occur. The lower their fall, the less, generally, their despair, for
despair is a business of the Will, and when they come heavily upon their
humanity, they get something of the practical seriousness of nature. If
they fall very low, the shock and the sense that they are still on
their feet make them singularly earnest to set about the plain plan of
existence--getting air for their lungs and elbow-room. Contrast, that
mother of melancholy, comes when they are some way advanced upon the
upward scale. The Poles did not look up to their lost height, but merely
exerted their faculties to go forward; and great as their ambition had
been in them, now that it was suddenly blown to pieces, they did not sit
and weep, but strove in a stunned way to work ahead. The truth is, that
we rarely indulge in melancholy until we can take it as a luxury: little
people never do, and they, when we have not put them on their guard, are
humankind naked.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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