Sandra Belloni (originally Emilia in England) — CompleteMeredith, George
General
Sandra Belloni (originally Emilia in England) — Complete
Meredith, George
English fiction -- 19th century
Not only did she know herself now a face of many faces; but the
life within her likewise as a soul of many souls. The one Emilia, so
unquestioning, so sure, lay dead; and a dozen new spirits, with but
a dim likeness to her, were fighting for possession of her frame, now
occupying it alone, now in couples; and each casting grim reflections on
the other. Which is only a way of telling you that the great result of
mortal suffering--consciousness--had fully set in; to ripen; perhaps to
debase; at any rate, to prove her.
To be of worth was still her fixed idea--all that was clear in the
thickening mist. “I cannot be ugly,” she said, and reproved herself for
simulating a childish tone. “Why do I talk in that way? I know I am not
ugly. But if a fire scorched my face? There is nothing that seems safe!”
The love of friends was suggested to her as something to rely on; and
the loving them. “But if I have nothing to give!” said Emilia, and
opened both her empty hands. She had diverted her mind from the pressure
upon it, by this colloquy with a looking-glass, and gave herself a great
rapture by running up notes to this theme:--
“No, no, no, no, no!--nothing! nothing!”
Clear, full, sonant notes; the notes of her true voice. She did not
attempt them a second time; nor, when Sir Purcell requested her to sing
in the course of the evening, did she comply. “The Signora thinks I have
a cold,” she said. Madame Marini protested that she hoped not, she even
thought not, though none could avoid it at this season in this climate,
and she turned to Sir Purcell to petition for any receipts he might have
in his possession, specifics for warding off the frightful affliction of
households in England.
“I have now twenty,” said Madame, and throwing up her eyes; “I have
tried all! oh! so many lozenge!”
Marini and Emilia laughed. While Sir Purcell was maintaining the fact of
his total ignorance of the subject against Madame's incredulity, Emilia
left the room. When she came back Madame was pressing her visitor to
be explicit with regard to a certain process of cure conducted by an
application of cold water. The Neapolitan gave several shudders as she
marked him attentively. “Water cold!” she murmured with the deepest
pathos, and dropped her face in her hands with narrowed shoulders.
Emilia held a letter over to Sir Purcell. He took it, first assuring
himself that Marini was in complicity with them. To Marini Emilia
addressed a Momus forefinger, and Marini shrugged, smiling. “Water
cold!” ejaculated Madame, showing her countenance again. “In winter!
Luigi, they are mad!” Marini poked the fire briskly, for his sensations
entirely sided with his wife.
The letter Sir Purcell held contained these words:
“Be kind, and meet me to-morrow at ten in the morning, at that place
where you first saw me sitting. I want you to take me to one who
will help me. I cannot lose time any more. I must work. I have
been dead for I cannot say how long. I know you will come.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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