Men -- Russia -- Fiction; Russia -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
Her brain worked with feverish haste, her thoughts being yet clear and
plain. The most dreadful thing was, that the proud, handsome Lida would
disappear, and in her stead there would be a wretched being,
persecuted, besmirched, defenceless. Pride and beauty must be retained.
Therefore, she must go, she must get away to some place where the mud
could not touch her. This fact clearly established, Lida suddenly
imagined herself encircled by a void; life, sunlight, human beings, no
longer existed; she was alone in their midst, absolutely alone. There
was no escape; she must die, she must drown herself. In a moment this
became such a certainty that it was as if round her a wall of stone had
arisen to shut her off from all that had been, and from all that might
be.
“How simple it really is!” she thought, looking round, yet seeing
nothing.
She walked faster now; and though hindered by her wide skirts, she
almost ran, it seemed to her as if her progress were intolerably slow.
“Here’s a house, and yonder there’s another one, with green shutters;
and then, an open space.”
The river, the bridge, and what was to happen there—she had no clear
conception of this. It was as a cloud, a mist that covered all. But
such a state of mind only lasted until she reached the bridge.
As she leant over the parapet and saw the greenish, turbid water, her
confidence instantly forsook her. She was seized with fear and a wild
desire to live. Now her perception of living things came back to her.
She heard voices, and the twittering of sparrows; she saw the sunlight,
the daisies in the grass, and the little white dog, that evidently
looked upon her as his rightful mistress. It sat opposite to her, put
up a tiny paw, and beat the ground with its tail.
Lida gazed at it, longing to hug it convulsively, and large tears
filled her eyes. Infinite regret for her beautiful, ruined life
overcame her. Half fainting, she leant forward, over the edge of the
sun-baked parapet, and the sudden movement caused her to drop one of
her gloves into the water. In mute horror she watched it fall
noiselessly on the smooth surface of the water, making large circles.
She saw her pale yellow glove become darker and darker, and then
filling slowly with water, and turning over once, as in its death-
agony, sink down gradually with a spiral movement to the green depths
of the stream. Lida strained her eyes to mark its descent, but the
yellow spot grew ever smaller and more indistinct, and at last
disappeared. All that met her gaze was the smooth, dark surface of the
water.
“How did that happen, miss?” asked a female voice, close to her.
Lida started backwards, and saw a fat, snub-nosed peasant-woman who
looked at her with sympathetic curiosity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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