Family -- Fiction; Italy -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Religion -- Fiction
the bulwark she had reared against the love of man was broken down and
swept away, and the waters flowed softly over its place and remembered it
not. She would never be the same woman again, and it was bitter to her to
feel it: for ever the face of Giovanni would haunt her waking hours and
visit her dreams unbidden,--a perpetual reproach to her, a perpetual
memory of the most desperate struggle of her life, and more than a
memory--the undying present of an unchanging love.
She was quite sure of herself in future, as she also trusted sincerely in
Giovanni's promise. There should be no moment of weakness, no word should
ever fall from her lips to tempt him to a fresh outbreak of passionate
words and acts; her life should be measured in the future by the account
of the dangers past, and there should be no instant of unguarded conduct,
no hour wherein even to herself she would say it was sweet to love and to
be loved. It was indeed not sweet, but bitter as death itself, to feel
that weight at her heart, that constant toiling effort in her mind to
keep down the passion in her breast. But Corona had sacrificed much; she
would sacrifice this also; she would get strength by her prayers and
courage from her high pride, and she would smile to all the world as she
had never smiled before. She could trust herself, for she was doing the
right and trampling upon the wrong. But the suffering would be none the
less for all her pride; there was no concealing it--it would be horrible.
To meet him daily in the world, to speak to him and to hear his voice,
perhaps to touch his hand, and all the while to smile coldly, and to be
still and for ever above suspicion, while her own burning consciousness
accused her of the past, and seemed to make the dangers of mere living
yawn beside her path at every step,--all this would be terrible to bear,
but by God's help she would bear it to the end.
But now a new horror seized her, and terrified her beyond measure. This
rumour of a duel--a mere word dropped carelessly in conversation by a
thoughtless acquaintance--called up to her sudden visions of evil to
come. Surely, howsoever she might struggle against love and beat it
roughly to silence in her breast, it was not wrong to fear danger for
Giovanni,--it could not be a sin to dread the issue of peril when it was
all so very near to her. It might perhaps not be true, for people in the
world are willing to amuse their empty minds with empty tales,
acknowledging the emptiness. It could not be true; she had seen Giovanni
but a moment before--he would have given some hint, some sign.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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