Scribner's Magazine, Volume 26, October 1899Various
History
Scribner's Magazine, Volume 26, October 1899
Various
American periodicals
Then he became more morbid even and he felt he was truly alone now, as
every one of us must be always. He loved his wife and she loved him,
and there was sympathy and understanding between them; but he doubted if
he really knew her, for he felt sure she did not really know him. There
were thoughts in his heart sometimes that he was glad she did not guess;
and no doubt she had emotions and sentiments she did not reveal to him.
After all, every human being must be a self-contained and repellent
entity; and no two of them can ever feel alike or think alike. He and
his wife came of different stocks, with a different training, with a
different experience of life, with different ideals; and although they
were united in love, they could not but be separate and distinct to all
eternity. And as his wife was of another sex from his, so his boy was
of another generation, certain to grow up with other tastes and other
aspirations.
Wilson Carpenter's marriage had been happy and his boy was all he could
wish,—and yet—and yet—Is this all that life can give a man? A little joy
for the few who are fortunate, a little pleasure, and then—and then—For
the first time he understood how it was that a happy man sometimes
commits suicide. And he smiled as he thought that if he wished to choose
death at the instant of life when the outsider would suppose his future
to be brightest, now was the moment. He knew that there ought to be a
revolver in the upper drawer of the table at the side of the bed. He
turned gently; and then he lay back again, smiling bitterly at his own
foolishness.
A heavy wagon rumbled along down the next street, and he heard also the
whistle of a train on the river-front. These signs of returning day did
not interest him at that moment when—so it seemed to him, although he
was aware this was perfectly unreasonable—when he was at a crisis in
his life.
Then there came to him another quatrain of Omar's, a quatrain he had
often quoted with joy in its stern vigor and its lofty resolve:
So when the Angel of the darker Drink
At last shall find you by the river-brink,
And, offering his Cup, invite your Soul
Forth to your Lips to quaff—you shall not shrink.
And youth came to his rescue again, and hope rose within him once more;
and his interest in the eternal conflict of humanity sprang up as keen
as ever.
The mood of craven surrender passed from him as abruptly as it had come,
leaving him older, and with a vague impression as though he had had a
strange and unnatural experience. He knew again that life is infinitely
various, and that it is worth while for its own sake; and he wondered
how it was that he had ever doubted it. Even if struggle is the rule
of our existence in this world, the fight is its own reward; it brings
its own guerdon; it gives a zest to life; and sometimes it even takes
the sting from defeat. The ardor of the combat is bracing; and fate is
a foeman worthy of every man's steel.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account