Legends of the haunted ruin, on which John Thomas delighted to dwell,
first suggested to me a hermit's disguise. Already, Miss Ashburn, you
contemn the romance of my scheme; and its practicability seems
impossible in expectation. Experience taught me how much a little
ingenuity and great perseverance will effect. In all cases, whether of
right or wrong, jointly they can almost work miracles.
Early misfortunes, a life of hard labour and little profit, had blunted
that quickness of sensation in farmer Richardson, which might have led
him to conjecture something mysterious of me. If I was there to claim my
meals, it was well; if not, 'twas the same. I contrived to evade all
enquiries into my absence, whether it were of the night or day, by
fixing on myself the character of an eccentric whimsical solitary.
Ah, Miss Ashburn! I smile to observe the precaution, and industry,
wherewith I wrought my wretchedness! You allow me to be minute I know,
for I know your sympathy and sincerity.
* * * * *
How this recapitulation of events has beguiled from me the consciousness
of passing time! In this under-ground cell, where no ray of the sun's
light ever penetrated, have I by my solitary lamp counted the lagging
moments throughout a day. Yet now living over again in remembrance that
preparatory fortnight when I was at farmer Richardson's was only
restless, I have suffered hours to go by, without any additional torment
of suspended expectation. Sibella is not returned. I thought I heard the
sound of her feet in the chapel above; but, when I ascended, she was not
there. I went on to the other side, but darkness has enveloped the
castle, wood, and park. I shall not see her to-night then. Mr. Valmont
may be from home, occupied or engaged; and she cannot gain an hearing.
Nina too has quitted me; yet I am less alone than heretofore. The spirit
of your friendship hovers round me. Be my friend, Miss Ashburn, while
existence cleaves to me; and, when I am gone, double the portion of your
love to Sibella.--Ah me! my heart has strange forebodings that she will
greatly need it.
A continuation of my narrative shall amuse the sleepless night. Who will
dispute that my claim to saintship is not more incontestible than that
of the former fasting inhabitants of this mansion? The holy monks by
their mysterious passages into the castle, could and assuredly did
indemnify themselves at night for the forbearance of the day. But I, who
have learned in this cell and its invirons to banish sleep, one of
nature's greatest wants, where shall I seek the lulling medicine which
can steal me from self?--can anticipate the tomb?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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