Americans seem to have an idea that Englishmen have no sense of humour, and are very fond of telling stories at our expense. To illustrate the cleverness of an American over an Englishman, they tell of the American over in England who insisted in smoking in a “non-smoking,” first-class carriage. An Englishman in the carriage, who had protested in vain, finally called the guard. When the guard arrived the American quickly spoke first. “Guard,” he said, “this gentleman is riding in a first-class carriage on a third-class ticket.” Investigation proved this to be true, and the irate Englishman was ejected. One of the spectators asked the American how he had known that the Englishman only had a third-class ticket. “Well,” said the American, “I happened to see a corner of it sticking out of his waistcoat pocket and noticed that it was the same colour as my own.” But I have also heard a story of an American from the interior, unfamiliar with crustacea, who was doing England. By way of seeing life he lunched at the Savoy on the day of his arrival, and, settling himself at a table, prepared to enjoy a hearty meal. Some celery in a glass was placed before him, which he ate whole without much satisfaction. But the second course—a crab in mayonnaise—was too much for him. Beckoning the waiter to him, he said, "Say, I’ve eaten your bouquet, but I’m damned if I’ll eat that bug." Mexicans also are great story-tellers, but their humour is so peculiar that one has to be a Mexican to understand and appreciate it. But then their way of looking at things is so different from ours. They think a boxing match a most brutalising sport, and will hardly allow even amateur boxing exhibitions in the country; yet they think bull-fighting is elevating, and can see absolutely no harm in it. Whereas to most foreigners one bull-fight is all that they can stand. Neither Americans nor Mexicans here show much interest in any but local affairs. Of course educated men know something of European matters, but the ignorance of some Americans on such a subject as India is surprising. A doctor here argued with me the other day that “Hindu” simply meant the race, and “Mohammedan” was their religion; and he tried to prove it by saying they got the name “Hindu” from “Hindustan,” the name of the country, as Englishman from England, and that the religion of the Hindu race was Mohammedan. Yet he is an educated American professional man! CHAPTER XXVII Bull-fighting—Mexican etiquette—The police department and its difficulties—Treatment of habitual criminals—The army.