The resonant strokes of great clocks boomed forth the third hour after
midnight; the sounds faded away languidly upon the heavy air, and
silence reigned once more over the sleeping city. Evarne wandering
downstairs, leaned out of the landing-window counting the tones,
listened until they had died into nothingness, then, with a shuddering
sigh, continued her way to the sitting-room.
Hour after hour throughout this seemingly endless night had she wandered
over her little house, pacing to and fro distractedly in every room in
turn. Morris Kenyon had come again into her life, and to stop her
marriage would, if necessary, ruthlessly betray her secret to Geoff. It
was beyond any possibility of doubt. That brief interview with him had
clearly shown his intention. What power had she to prevent it? He would
tell all--and then--what then? Even in imagination the results were
well-nigh insupportable. And this approaching blow would not--could
not--fall on herself alone; and in this reflection there lay a sting
potent as that of the torturing gadfly that drove Io of old wandering
over land and water seeking peace in vain.
Why, why had she ever risked this calamity? She ought to have told Geoff
the whole truth about herself directly she saw he was growing really to
care for her. But now, as an additional offence, she had been guilty of
such brazen lies; had deceived him both by words and by silences so
continually and deliberately. Her whole conduct towards him must now
appear shameful, utterly dishonourable. It was almost impossible to hope
that his affection would endure in the face of such dire discoveries, it
was quite out of the question to expect him afterwards implicitly to
believe even her strongest assertions. Strive as she might to explain
her motives, to excuse trickery that she could not deny, however
earnestly she should plead, mourn, regret, she could never do away with
these damning, irrefutable facts. What would Geoff think and say and do?
Surely his revulsion of feeling would be terrible and complete?
And if, despite all, he could not cease to care for her--why, so much
the worse for him! He who so desired to reverence where he loved could
feel but contempt, or at least mere forgiving, generous pity. In place
of trust and glad confidence--doubt, surmise, unrest. Better far for her
"dreamer" if all memory of her could fade entirely from his thoughts. To
love with the heart and despise with the intellect--it could be done.
But it was cruel suffering; it bordered on the unendurable! She herself
knew only too well the mental torture that such complex emotions imply.
Was she to be the means of forcing Geoff to acquire this bitter
knowledge?
During the passing of the weary hours her thoughts had travelled widely.
Not only had she shuddered at the revelations of that day, and sickened
with horror for the future, but memories of the hateful past had pressed
upon her with resolute persistency.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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