The student stood up and looked out of the window without seeing. Lines
of sparks like living fire passed by the grimy window-pane, and balls
of vapour and smoke, resembling large tufts of wool, were dashed to
pieces and hurried to the ground by the wind. The smoke curled round
the small shrubs growing close to the ground, moistened by the rain in
the valley. The dusk of the autumn day spread a dim light over the
landscape, and produced an effect of indescribable melancholy. Poor
boy! Poor boy!
The loneliness of boundless sorrow was expressed in his weary look as
he gazed out of the window. I knew that the pivot on which all his
emotions turned was the anxiety of uncertainty, and that beyond the
bounds of conscious thought an unknown loom was weaving for him a
shadowy thread of hope. He saw, he heard nothing, while his vacant eyes
followed the balls of smoke. As the train travelled along, I knew that
he was miserable, tired out, that he would have liked to cry quietly.
The thread of hope wound itself round his heart: Who could tell?
perhaps his father was recovering, perhaps all would be well?
Suddenly (I knew it would come), the blood rushed from his face, his
lips went pale and tightened; he was gazing into the far distance with
wide-open eyes. It was as if a threatening hand, piercing the grief,
loneliness and dread that weighed on him, was pointing at him, as if
the wind were rousing him with the cry: 'Beware!' His thread of hope
was strained to breaking-point, and the naked truth, which he had not
quite faced till that minute, struck him through the heart like a
sword.
Had I approached him at that instant, and told him I was an omniscient
spirit and knew his village well, and that his father was not lying
dead, he would have fallen at my feet and believed, and I should have
done him an infinite kindness.
But I did not speak to him, and I did not take his hand. All I wished
to do was merely to watch him with the interest and insatiable
curiosity which the human heart ever arouses in me.
'Let my fate go whither it listeth.' (_Oedipus Tyrannus_.)
In the darkest corner of the ward, in the bed marked number
twenty-four, a farm labourer of about thirty years of age had been
lying for several months. A black wooden tablet, bearing the words
'Caries tuberculosa', hung at the head of the bed, and shook at each
movement of the patient. The poor fellow's leg had had to be amputated
above the knee, the result of a tubercular decay of the bone. He was a
peasant, a potato-grower, and his forefathers had grown potatoes before
him. He was now on his own, after having been in two situations; had
been married for three years and had a baby son with a tuft of flaxen
hair. Then suddenly, from no cause that he could tell, his knee had
pained him, and small ulcers had formed. He had afforded himself a
carriage to the town, and there he had been handed over to the hospital
at the expense of the parish.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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