She struck a light, put the baby on the bed, and looked at him
questioningly. He had sat down with his back against the wall, and with
rigidly folded arms stared straight ahead of him. Seeing that he did not
speak, she said softly, falling into her native dialect, as all Scotch
women do when they feel most: "I canna get thae poor creetyer's cries
oot o' ma head. It's no human."
"No," he said shortly, and then with a sudden look at her, "Effie, what
do you think love is?"
She answered him with surprised eyes and said nothing. He went on: "You
love the child, don't you? You do for it, you serve it. That shows you
love it. But do you think it's love that makes David act as he does to
you? If he loved you, would he let you work as you work? Would he live
off you? Wouldn't he wear the flesh off his fingers instead of yours? He
doesn't love you. He isn't worth you. He isn't a bad man, but he isn't
worth you. And you make him less worth. You ruin him, you ruin yourself,
you kill the child. I can't see it any more. I come here, and I see you
weaker every time, whiter, thinner. And I know if you keep on you'll
die. I can't see it. I want you to leave him; let me work for you. I
don't make much, but enough to let you rest. At least till you are well.
I would wait till you left him of yourself, but I can't wait when I see
you dying like this. I don't want anything of you, except to serve you,
to serve the child because it's yours. Come away, to-night. You can have
my room; I'll go somewhere else. To-morrow I'll find you a better place.
You needn't see him any more. I'll tell him myself. He won't do
anything, don't be afraid. Come." And he stood up.
Effie had sat astonished and dumb. Now she looked up at the dark tense
eyes above her, and said quietly, "I dinna understand."
A sharp contraction went across the strong bent face: "No? You don't
understand what you are doing with yourself? You don't understand that I
love you, and I can't see it? I don't ask you to love me; I ask you to
let me serve you. Only a little, only so much as to give you health
again; is that too much? You don't know what you are to me. Others love
beauty, but I--I see in you the eternal sacrifice; your thin fingers
that always work, your face--when I look at it, it's just a white
shadow; you are the child of the people, that dies without crying. Oh,
let me give myself for you. And leave this man, who doesn't care for
you, doesn't know you, thinks you beneath him, uses you. I don't want
you to be his slave any more."
Effie clasped her hands and looked at them; then she looked at the
sleeping baby, smoothed the quilt, and said quietly: "I didna take him
the day to leave him the morra. It's no my fault if ye're daft aboot
me."
The dark face sharpened as one sees the agony in a dying man, but his
voice was very gentle, speaking always in his blurred English: "No,
there is no fault in you at all. Did I accuse you?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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