Great Britain -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Self-control -- Fiction; Women -- Fiction
'I will not wrong your penetration so much as to suppose that
this letter will surprise you, or that you will fail to
anticipate the subject on the first glance at the signature.
Nor do I write to tell you, in the hackneyed phrase, that the
happiness of my whole life depends upon you, because, next to
your affection, nothing is so desirable to me as your esteem,
and the hope that, though you should reject my suit, you will
continue to respect my understanding. But I may with truth
declare, that I prefer you to all women; that I love you, not
only in spite of your faults, but, perhaps, even the more for
them; and that, to forfeit the hope of your affection, would
dispel many a long-cherished vision of domestic peace, and even
some lighter dreams of rapture. Dearest Harriet, do not, in
return for this confession, write me a cold profession of
esteem. I know already that you esteem me, for you have long
known me possessed of qualities that inevitably engage esteem;
but I am conscious of a deficiency in the gifts that excite
passion, and I dread that I may never awaken sentiments like
those I feel. Yet it is no small compliment which I offer, when
I suppose you superior to the attractions which captivate the
vulgar of your sex; and you may value it the more, because it
is perhaps the only one I shall ever pay you.
'To say all this, or something like it, has long been in my
thoughts; and, during your late visit to my sister, occupied
them more than I shall own; but a dread of I know not what,
forced me to let you depart without offering to your acceptance
all that I have to offer. I felt a certainty that I was not
yet beloved, and, I believe I feared that you, in your lively
way, (so I must call it, since no epithet that implies reproof
must flow from a lover's pen), would give utterance to the
feeling of the moment, and bid me think of you no more. Is it
presumption to say, that I hope more from a more considerate
decision? Ask your own heart, then, dear Miss De Courcy,
whether time and the assiduities of respectful love can beguile
you of such tenderness as is due to a confiding affectionate
husband. Ask yourself, whether you can ever return my warm
attachment, to such a degree as will make the duties of a wife
easy and pleasant to you. I need not assure you that I am not
the selfish wretch who could find joy in receiving those which
were painfully and reluctantly performed. Be candid with
yourself then I adjure you. Fear not that I shall persecute you
with importunity or complaint. If it must be so, I will see you
no more for some months; and, at the end of that time, shall
expect, in reward of my self-conquest, to be received with
cordiality as your brother's friend. If your sentence be
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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