Great Britain -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Self-control -- Fiction; Women -- Fiction
Lovers are so accustomed to accuse ladies of cruelty, and to find ladies
take pleasure in being so accused, that unlooked-for kindness
discomposes them; and a favour unhoped is generally a favour undesired.
The consciousness of ill desert, the frozen serenity of Laura's manner,
deprived Hargrave of courage to use the opportunity which she seemed
voluntarily to throw in his way. He hesitated, he faltered; while, all
unlike her former self, Laura appeared determined that he should make
love, for she would not aid his dilemma even by a comment on the
weather. All the timidity which formerly marked her demeanour, was now
transferred to his; and, arranging her work with stoical composure, she
raised her head to listen, as Hargrave approaching her stammered out an
incoherent sentence expressive of his unalterable love, and his fears
that he had offended almost beyond forgiveness.
Laura suffered him to conclude without interruption; then answered, in a
voice mild but determined, 'I had some hopes, Sir, from your knowledge
of my character and sentiments, that, after what has passed, you could
have entertained no doubts on this subject.--Yet, lest even a shadow of
suspense should rest on your mind, I have remained here this morning on
purpose to end it. I sincerely grieve to hear that you still retain the
partiality you have been pleased to express, since it is now beyond my
power to make even the least return.'
The utmost bitterness of reproach would not have struck so chilly on the
heart of Hargrave as these words, and the manner in which they were
uttered. From the principles of Laura he had indeed dreaded much; but he
had feared nothing from her indifference. He had feared that duty might
obtain a partial victory; but he had never doubted that inclination
would survive the struggle. With a mixture of doubt, surprise, and
anguish, he continued to gaze upon her after she was silent; then
starting, he exclaimed--'I will not believe it; it is impossible. Oh,
Laura, choose some other way to stab, for I cannot bear this!'--'It
pains me,' said Laura, in a voice of undissembled concern, 'to add
disappointment to the pangs which you cannot but feel; yet it were most
blameable now to cherish in you the faintest expectation.'--'Stop,'
cried Hargrave, vehemently, 'if you would not have me utterly undone. I
have never known peace or innocence but in the hope of your love; leave
me a dawning of that hope, however distant. Nay, do not look as if it
were impossible. When you thought me a libertine, a seducer--all that
you can now think me, you suffered me to hope. Let me but begin my trial
now, and all woman-kind shall not lure me from you.'
'Ah,' said Laura, 'when I dreamt of the success of that trial, a strange
infatuation hung over me. Now it has passed away for ever. Sincerely do
I wish and pray for your repentance, but I can no longer offer to reward
it. My desire for your reformation will henceforth be as disinterested
as sincere.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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