Self-Raised; Or, From the DepthsSouthworth, Emma Dorothy Eliza Nevitte
General
Self-Raised; Or, From the Depths
Southworth, Emma Dorothy Eliza Nevitte
Fiction
The housekeeper left the room and Claudia fell into thought. Two
important facts she had gained by descending from her dignity to
gossip with an upper servant, namely: That La Faustina was really
the widow of Kenneth Dugald, and that the Earl of Hurstmonceux was
well pleased with his son's marriage to herself, and would therefore
be likely to be her partisan in any trouble she might have on
account of Mrs. Dugald. She resolved, therefore, to be very wary in
her conduct until the arrival of her father, and then to request an
introduction to the earl's family. Bitterly galling as it would be
to her pride, she even determined to meet Mrs. Dugald in the drawing
room and at the table without demur; since she could treat her as
the widow of the Honorable Kenneth Dugald without openly
compromising her own dignity. Finally she concluded to meet Lord
Vincent's treacherous courtesy with assumed civility.
On the third day Lady Vincent felt well enough to join the viscount
and Mrs. Dugald at breakfast. Pursuant to her resolution she
received their congratulations with smiles, and answered their
inquiries as to her health with thanks.
It was a foggy, misty, drizzly day the precursor of a long spell of
dark and gloomy weather, that Claudia at length grew to fear would
never come to an end.
During this time the monotony of Claudia's life at the castle was
really dreadful.
And this was something like it: She would wake about seven o'clock,
but knowing that it was hours too early to rise in that house, she
would lie and think until she was ready to go mad. At nine o'clock
she would ring for her maid, Sally, and spend an hour in dawdling
over her toilet. At ten she would go down to breakfast--a miserable,
uncomfortable meal of hollow civility or sullen silence. After
breakfast she would go into the library and hunt among the old,
musty, worm-eaten books for something readable, but without success.
Then, ready to kill herself from weariness of life, she would wrap
up in cloak and hood and climb the turret stairs and go out upon the
ramparts of the castle and walk up and down with the drizzling mist
above and around her and the thundering sea beneath her--up and
down--hour after hour--up and down--lashing herself into such
excitement that she would be tempted to throw herself from the
battlements, to be crushed to death by the rocks or swallowed up by
the waves below.
At length, as fearing to trust herself with this temptation, she
would descend into the castle again, and go to her own rooms, and
try to interest herself in a little needle-work, a little writing, a
talk with Katie or with Mrs. Murdock.
At last the creeping hours would bring luncheon, when the same
inharmonious party would assemble around the same ungenial table,
and eat and drink without enjoyment or gratitude.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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