Books and reading -- Great Britain; Conduct of life; Social problems; Women
But I speak to you under another disadvantage, by which I am checked in
frankness of utterance, not here only, but everywhere: namely, that I am
never fully aware how far my audiences are disposed to give me credit for
real knowledge of my subject, or how far they grant me attention only
because I have been sometimes thought an ingenious or pleasant essayist
upon it. For I have had what, in many respects, I boldly call the
misfortune, to set my words sometimes prettily together; not without a
foolish vanity in the poor knack that I had of doing so: until I was
heavily punished for this pride, by finding that many people thought of
the words only, and cared nothing for their meaning. Happily, therefore,
the power of using such pleasant language—if indeed it ever were mine—is
passing away from me; and whatever I am now able to say at all, I find
myself forced to say with great plainness. For my thoughts have changed
also, as my words have; and whereas in earlier life, what little
influence I obtained was due perhaps chiefly to the enthusiasm with which
I was able to dwell on the beauty of the physical clouds, and of their
colours in the sky; so all the influence I now desire to retain must be
due to the earnestness with which I am endeavouring to trace the form and
beauty of another kind of cloud than those; the bright cloud of which it
is written—“What is your life? It is even as a vapour that appeareth for
a little time, and then vanisheth away.”
I suppose few people reach the middle or latter period of their age,
without having, at some moment of change or disappointment, felt the
truth of those bitter words; and been startled by the fading of the
sunshine from the cloud of their life into the sudden agony of the
knowledge that the fabric of it was as fragile as a dream, and the
endurance of it as transient as the dew. But it is not always that, even
at such times of melancholy surprise, we can enter into any true
perception that this human life shares in the nature of it, not only the
evanescence, but the mystery of the cloud; that its avenues are wreathed
in darkness, and its forms and courses no less fantastic, than spectral
and obscure; so that not only in the vanity which we cannot grasp, but in
the shadow which we cannot pierce, it is true of this cloudy life of
ours, that “man walketh in a vain shadow, and disquieteth himself in
vain.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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