Shakespeare's Christmas, and other storiesQuiller-Couch, Arthur
General
Shakespeare's Christmas, and other stories
Quiller-Couch, Arthur
English fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, English
"Oh, as for that," says my grandfather cheerfully, "the Frenchman's the
worst by a long way--not but what your good lady made noise enough when
she thought you'd been made away with: and afterwards, when she went
upstairs and, taking a glance out of window, spied a long black coffin
laid out under the lilac bushes, I'm told you could hear her a mile
away. But she've been weakening this half-hour: her nature couldn't
keep it up: whereas the longer we keep that Frenchman, the louder he
seems to bellow."
"Heaven defend us, Calvin!"--the Parson's eyes fairly rolled in his
head--"are you gone clean crazed? Frenchman! What Frenchman?"
"The same that frightened Mrs. Polwhele, Sir, upon the coach. We
caught him drawing maps of the river, and very nigh tucked him in Sam
Trewhella's sean: and now he's in your tool-shed right and tight, and
here's the key, Sir, making so bold, that you gave me this morning. But
I didn't like to take him into the house, with your good lady tumbling
out of one fit into another. Hark to 'en, now! Would you ever believe
one man could make such a noise."
"Fits! My poor, dear, tender Mary having fits!" The Parson broke away
for the house and dashed upstairs three steps at a time: and when she
caught sight of him, Mrs. Polwhele let out a louder squeal than ever.
But the next moment she was hanging round his neck, and laughing and
sobbing by turns. And how long they'd have clung to one another there's
no knowing, if it hadn't been for the language pouring from the
tool-shed.
"My dear," said the Parson, holding himself up and listening, "I don't
think that can possibly be a Frenchman. He's too fluent."
Mrs. Polwhele listened too, but after a while she was forced to cover
her face with both hands. "Oh, Richard, I've often heard 'em described
as gay, but--but they can't surely be so gay as all that!"
The Parson eased her into an armchair and went downstairs to the
courtyard, and there, as you may suppose, he found the parish gathered.
"Stand back all of you," he ordered. "I've a notion that some mistake
has been committed: but you had best hold yourselves ready in case the
prisoner tries to escape."
"But, Parson dear, you're never going to unlock that door!" cried my
grandfather.
"If you'll stand by me, Calvin," says the Parson, plucky as ginger, and
up he steps to the very door, all the parish holding its breath.
He tapped once--no answer: twice--and no more answer than before. There
was a small trap open in the roof and through this the language kept
pouring with never a stop, only now and then a roar like a bull's. But
at the third knock it died down to a sort of rumbling, and presently
came a shout, "Who's there?"
"A clergyman and justice of the peace," answers the Parson.
"I'll have your skin for this!"
"But you'll excuse me----"
"I'll have your skin for this, and your blood in a bottle! I'm a
British officer and a gentleman, and I'll have you stuffed and put in a
glass case, so sure as my name's Bligh!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account