THE SAINT AND THE MONK. Saint Peter at the gate of Heaven displayed The tools and terrors of his awful trade; The key, the frown as pitiless as night, That slays intending trespassers at sight, And, at his side in easy reach, the curled Interrogation points all ready to be hurled. Straight up the shining cloudway (it so chanced No others were about) a soul advanced-- A fat, orbicular and jolly soul With laughter-lines upon each rosy jowl-- A monk so prepossessing that the saint Admired him, breathless, until weak and faint, Forgot his frown and all his questions too, Forgoing even the customary "Who?"-- Threw wide the gate and, with a friendly grin, Said, "'Tis a very humble home, but pray walk in." The soul smiled pleasantly. "Excuse me, please-- Who's in there?" By insensible degrees The impudence dispelled the saint's esteem, As growing snores annihilate a dream. The frown began to blacken on his brow, His hand to reach for "Whence?" and "Why?" and "How?" "O, no offense, I hope," the soul explained; "I'm rather--well, particular. I've strained A point in coming here at all; 'tis said That Susan Anthony (I hear she's dead At last) and all her followers are here. As company, they'd be--confess it--rather queer." The saint replied, his rising anger past: "What can I do?--the law is hard-and-fast, Albeit unwritten and on earth unknown-- An oral order issued from the Throne. By but one sin has Woman e'er incurred God's wrath. To accuse Them Loud of that would be absurd." That friar sighed, but, calling up a smile, Said, slowly turning on his heel the while: "Farewell, my friend. Put up the chain and bar-- I'm going, so please you, where the pretty women are." 1895. THE OPPOSING SEX. The Widows of Ashur Are loud in their wailing: "No longer the 'masher' Sees Widows of Ashur!" So each is a lasher Of Man's smallest failing. The Widows of Ashur Are loud in their wailing. The Cave of Adullam, That home of reviling-- No wooing can gull 'em In Cave of Adullam. No angel can lull 'em To cease their defiling The Cave of Adullam, That home of reviling. At men they are cursing-- The Widows of Ashur; Themselves, too, for nursing The men they are cursing. The praise they're rehearsing Of every slasher At men. _They_ are cursing The Widows of Ashur. A WHIPPER-IN. [Commissioner of Pensions Dudley has established a Sunday-school and declares he will remove any clerk in his department who does not regularly attend.--_N.Y. World.]_ Dudley, great placeman, man of mark and note, Worthy of honor from a feeble pen Blunted in service of all true, good men, You serve the Lord--in courses, _table d'hôte: Au, naturel,_ as well as _à la Nick_-- "Eat and be thankful, though it make you sick."