French fiction -- 19th century; Sand, George, 1804-1876
"Enough of this," he said; "let us be frank with each other. We no
longer love each other, we have never loved each other! We have deceived
each other; you meant to take a lover; perhaps I was not the first nor
the second, but no matter! you wanted a servant, a slave; you thought
that my unhappy disposition, my debts, my ennui, my weariness of a life
of debauchery, my illusions concerning true love, would put me at your
mercy, and that I could never recover possession of myself. To carry
such an enterprise to a successful issue, you needed to have a happier
disposition yourself, and more patience, more flexibility, and, above
all, more spirit! You have no spirit at all, Thérèse, be it said
without offence. You are all of a piece, monotonous, pig-headed, and
excessively vain of your pretended moderation, which is simply the
philosophy of short-sighted people with limited faculties. As for
myself, I am a madman, fickle, ungrateful, whatever you choose; but I am
sincere, I am no selfish schemer; I give myself, heart and soul, without
reservation: that is why I resume possession of myself in the same way.
My moral liberty is a sacred thing, and I allow no one to seize it. I
simply entrusted it, not gave it to you; it was for you to make a good
use of it and to succeed in making me happy. Oh! do not try to say that
you did not want me! I know all about these tricks of modesty and these
evolutions of the female conscience. On the day that you yielded to me,
I realized that you thought you had conquered me, and that all that
feigned resistance, those tears of distress, and that constant pardoning
of my temerity were simply the old commonplace way of throwing a line,
and luring the poor fish, dazzled by the artificial fly, to nibble at
the hook. I deceived you, Thérèse, by pretending to be deceived by
that fly; it was my privilege. You wished adoration: I lavished it upon
you without effort and without hypocrisy; you are beautiful, and I
desired you! But a woman is only a woman, and the lowest of them all
affords us as much pleasure as the greatest queen. You were simple
enough not to know it, and now you must depend upon yourself. You must
understand that monotony does not suit me, you must leave me to my
instincts, which are not always sublime, but which I cannot destroy
without destroying myself with them. Where is the harm, and why should
we tear our hair? We have been partners, and we separate, that is the
whole of it. There is no need of our hating and abusing each other just
for that. Avenge yourself by granting the prayers of the excellent
Palmer, who is languishing for love of you; I shall rejoice in his joy,
and we three will continue to be the best friends in the world. You will
recover your charms of other days, which you have lost, and the
brilliancy of your lovely eyes, which are growing haggard and dull by
dint of spying upon my acts. I shall become once more the jolly fellow
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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