French fiction -- 19th century; Sand, George, 1804-1876
When he said that he loved a lovely child with a love as pure and fair
as she, Laurent had boasted unduly. He had believed that he was telling
the truth when he wrote to Thérèse, with the passionate warmth to
which he was wont to give way when speaking to her of himself, and which
contrasted so strangely with the cold and mocking tone he felt called
upon to adopt in society. The declaration he was supposed to have made
to the young woman who had filled his dreams, he had not made. A bird or
a cloud, passing through the sky at night, had sufficed to overthrow the
fragile edifice of happiness and passionate declamation which had sprung
up in the morning in that childish, poetic imagination. The fear of
making himself ridiculous had taken possession of him, or else the fear
of being cured of his invincible and fatal passion for Thérèse.
He remained there, making no reply to Catherine, who, being in haste to
prepare everything for her dear mistress's arrival, decided to leave him
alone. Laurent was agitated beyond expression. He asked himself why
Thérèse was returning to Paris without telling him. Was she coming
secretly with Palmer, or had she done as Laurent had done himself? Had
she announced to him a happiness which had no existence, and the thought
of which had already vanished? Did not this sudden and mysterious return
conceal a rupture with Dick?
Laurent was at once overjoyed and terrified by the thought. A thousand
contrary ideas and emotions wrangled in his brain and in his nerves.
There was a moment when he himself insensibly forgot the reality, and
persuaded himself that those linen-covered objects were tombs in a
cemetery. He had always had a horror of death, and his mind dwelt
constantly upon it, in spite of himself. He saw it about him in all its
forms. He fancied that he was surrounded by shrouds, and sprang to his
feet in terror, crying:
"Who is dead, then? Is it Thérèse? is it Palmer? I see, I feel that
some one is dead in this neighborhood to which I have returned!--No, it
is you," he replied, talking to himself, "it is you, who have lived in
this house the only real days of your life, and who return hither
lifeless, abandoned, forgotten, like a corpse!"
Catherine returned, unnoticed by him, removed the coverings, dusted the
furniture, threw all the windows and blinds wide open, and placed
flowers in the great china vases which stood on gilt consoles. Then she
approached him, and said:
"Well, what are you doing here?"
Laurent came out of his dream, and, looking about him in a dazed sort of
way, saw the flowers reflected in the mirrors, the Boule cabinets
glistening in the sun, and the whole holiday aspect which had succeeded,
as if by magic, the funereal atmosphere of absence, which does, in
truth, so closely resemble death.
His hallucination took another course.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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