Sheppard Lee, Written by Himself. Vol. 1 (of 2)Bird, Robert Montgomery
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Sheppard Lee, Written by Himself. Vol. 1 (of 2)
Bird, Robert Montgomery
American fiction -- 19th century; Satire
I thought, upon my soul, she was taking matters pretty easily, and
acting somewhat independently; but she was ignorant of the world, as I
said before, and knew no better. I was still more disgusted with the
thought of being shown off among her friends, and told her a bridemaid
was wholly superfluous; but she had made her mind up as to what was
right on such an occasion, and I judged it proper to submit. It was
agreed I should meet her at her friend's house, at nine o'clock in the
evening; and "she hoped," very modestly, I thought, "that I would bring
some nice pretty fellow to wait on me, that would make a good match
with her dear Julia, who was the nicest dear soul in the world."
This "nice dear soul," as I afterward discovered, and as I think proper
to inform the reader now, that he may understand into what a slough of
democracy I was rushing, was no less a personage than a cousin-german
of Mr. Snip, my tailor; and her appointment to the honour of waiting
upon the bride of the distinguished I. D. Dawkins was productive of a
casualty expected neither by herself nor by my adored Alicia.
I laughed in my sleeve at that hint of my Alicia; and yet I did, after
all, provide myself with an attendant, and one who was perhaps better
suited than any other person I could have lighted on, as an offset
and pendent to the "fair Julia." This was my cousin, Sammy Wilkins;
and the reason of my appointing him was this. He was, although the
stupidest creature on earth, of a meddling and prying nature, and
had an extraordinary fancy to go sneaking after me whithersoever I
went--from admiration and affection, perhaps; but of that I was not
certain; and, at all events, he was a great burden to me. He discovered
my repeated visits to Skinner's house, and was seized with a stupid
curiosity to know the reason; and, what was still worse, he made so
many observations on my attentions to, and secret conferences with,
his sister Pattie, that it was clear he suspected there was something
in the wind there too. Being kept in eternal torment lest he should
discover more than I liked, or, by his indiscreet tattling, awake the
suspicions of others, I saw no better means of averting the mischief,
and turning his eyes from his sister, than by taking him aside, and
telling him, with many injunctions to secrecy, that I was courting old
Skinner's rich daughter, and wished to have him wait upon me at the
wedding.
Such confidence, coupled with the intention to do him so much honour,
entirely overcame his rustic imaginations. He swore he approved of
marrying rich wives, and was looking out for one himself, and hoped I
would put him on the track of one; which I promised, and the clownish
juvenile was content. He looked forward to the great event with a
measure of glee I had never seen him roused to before, and he ordered a
new coat of Snip, that he might do honour to his service.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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