Sheppard Lee, Written by Himself. Vol. 2 (of 2)Bird, Robert Montgomery
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Sheppard Lee, Written by Himself. Vol. 2 (of 2)
Bird, Robert Montgomery
American fiction -- 19th century; Satire
The reader, who has seen with what horror and fear I began the life
of a slave, may ask if, after I found myself restored to health and
strength, I sought no opportunity to give my master the slip, and make
a bold push for freedom. I did not; a change had come over the spirit
of my dream: I found myself, for the first time in my life, content,
or very nearly so, with my condition, free from cares, far removed
from disquiet, and, if not actually in love with my lot, so far from
being dissatisfied, that I had not the least desire to exchange it for
another.
Methinks I see the reader throw up his hands at this, crying, "What!
content with slavery!" I assure him, now I ponder the matter over,
that I am as much surprised as himself, and that I consider my being
content with a state of bondage a very singular and unaccountable
circumstance. Nevertheless, such was the fact. I was no longer Sheppard
Lee, Zachariah Longstraw, nor anybody else, except simply Tom, Thomas,
or Tommy, the slave. I forgot that I once had been a freeman, or, to
speak more strictly, I did not remember it, the act of remembering
involving an effort of mind which it did not comport with my new habits
of laziness and indifference to make, though perhaps I _might_ have
done so, had I chosen. I had ceased to remember all my previous states
of existence. I could not have been an African had I troubled myself
with thoughts of any thing but the present.
Perhaps this defect of memory will account for my being satisfied
with my new condition. I had no recollection of the sweets of liberty
to compare and contrast with the disgusts of servitude. Perhaps my
mind was stupified--sunk beneath the ordinary level of the human
understanding, and therefore incapable of realizing the evils of my
condition. Or, perhaps, after all, considering the circumstances of my
lot with reference to those of my mind and nature, such evils did not
in reality exist. The reader may settle the difficulty for himself,
which he can do when he has read a little more of my history. In
the meanwhile, the fact is true: I was satisfied with my lot--I was
satisfied even with _myself_. The first time I looked at my new face
I was shocked at what I considered its ugliness. But having peeped at
it a dozen times or more, my ideas began to alter, and, by-and-by, I
thought it quite beautiful. I used to look at myself in aunt Phoebe's
glass by the hour, and I well remember the satisfaction with which I
listened to the following rebuke of my vanity from her, namely, "All
you pritty young niggurs with handsome faces is good for nothin, not
wuth so much as you cawn!" In short, I was something of a coxcomb; and
nothing could equal the pride and happiness of my heart, when, of a
Sabbath morning, dressed in one of my master's old coats well brushed
up, a bran-new rabbit-fur hat, the gift of little Tommy, a ruffled
shirt, and a white neckcloth, with a pair of leather gloves swinging in
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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