Ship's Company, the Entire CollectionJacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
General
Ship's Company, the Entire Collection
Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English
“What was it?” inquired Miss Bradshaw.
“Dreamt you were married,” said Mr. Hills, smiling at her.
Miss Bradshaw tossed her head. “Who to, pray?” she inquired.
“Me,” said Mr. Hills, simply. “I woke up in a cold perspiration.
Halloa! is that Georgie in there? How are you, George? Better?”
“I'm all right,” said Mr. Wright, with dignity, as the other hooked the
door open with his stick and nodded at him.
“Well, why don't you look it?” demanded the lively Mr. Hills. “Have you
got your feet wet, or what?”
“Oh, be quiet,” said Miss Bradshaw, smiling at him.
“Right-o,” said Mr. Hills, dropping into a chair by the counter and
caressing his moustache. “But you wouldn't speak to me like that if you
knew what a terrible day I've had.”
“What have you been doing?” asked the girl.
“Working,” said the other, with a huge sigh. “Where's the millionaire?
I came round on purpose to have a look at him.”
“Him and mother have gone to the Empire?” said Miss Bradshaw.
Mr. Hills gave three long, penetrating whistles, and then, placing his
cigar with great care on the counter, hid his face in a huge
handkerchief. Miss Bradshaw, glanced from him to the frowning Mr.
Wright, and then, entering the parlour, closed the door with a bang. Mr.
Hills took the hint, and with a somewhat thoughtful grin departed.
He came in next evening for another cigar, and heard all that there was
to hear about the Empire. Mrs. Bradshaw would have treated him but
coldly, but the innocent Mr. Kemp, charmed by his manner, paid him great
attention.
“He's just like what I was at his age,” he said. “Lively.”
“I'm not a patch on you,” said Mr. Hills, edging his way by slow degrees
into the parlour. “I don't take young ladies to the Empire. Were you
telling me you came over here to get married, or did I dream it?”
“'Ark at him,” said the blushing Mr. Kemp, as Mrs. Bradshaw shook her
head at the offender and told him to behave himself.
“He's a man any woman might be happy with,” said Mr. Hills. “He never
knows how much there is in his trousers-pocket. Fancy sewing on buttons
for a man like that. Gold-mining ain't in it.”
Mrs. Bradshaw shook her head at him again, and Mr. Hills, after
apologizing to her for revealing her innermost thoughts before the most
guileless of men, began to question Mr. Kemp as to the prospects of a
bright and energetic young man, with a distaste for work, in New Zealand.
The audience listened with keen attention to the replies, the only
disturbing factor being a cough of Mr. Wright's, which became more and
more troublesome as the evening wore on. By the time uncle and nephew
rose to depart the latter was so hoarse that he could scarcely speak.
“Why didn't you tell 'em you had got a letter calling you home, as I told
you?” he vociferated, as soon as they were clear of the shop.
“I--I forgot it,” said the old man.
“Forgot it!” repeated the incensed Mr. Wright.
“What did you think I was coughing like that for--fun?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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