England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; River life -- Fiction
The lodger and Emily ’ad gone inside, and Joseph stood there,
fidgeting, while the cabman asked Bill, as a friend, why he ’adn’t paid
twopence more for his face, and Bill was wasting his time trying to
think of something to say to ’urt the cabman’s feelings. Then he took
Bill by the arm as the cab drove off and told ’im not to say nothing
about the dream, because he was going to risk it.
“Stuff and nonsense,” ses Bill. “I’m going to tell Emily. It’s my
dooty. Wot’s the good o’ being married if you’re going to be killed?”
He stumped in on his crutches afore Joseph could say any more, and,
arter letting his sister kiss ’im, went into the front room and sat
down. There was cold beef and pickles on the table and two jugs o’
beer, and arter just telling his sister ’ow he fell and broke ’is leg,
they all sat down to supper.
Bert Simmons sat on one side of Emily and Joseph the other, and the
cook couldn’t ’elp feeling sorry for ’er, seeing as he did that
sometimes she was ’aving both hands squeezed at once under the table
and could ’ardly get a bite in edgeways.
Old Bill lit his pipe arter supper, and then, taking another glass o’
beer, he told ’em about the cook dreaming of his accident three days
afore it happened. They couldn’t ’ardly believe it at fust, but when he
went on to tell ’em the other things the cook ’ad dreamt, and that
everything ’ad ’appened just as he dreamt it, they all edged away from
the cook and sat staring at him with their mouths open.
“And that ain’t the worst of it,” ses Bill.
“That’s enough for one night, Bill,” ses Joseph, who was staring at
Bert Simmons as though he could eat him. “Besides, I believe it was
on’y chance. When cook told you ’is dream it made you nervous, and
that’s why you fell.”
“Nervous be blowed!” ses Bill; and then he told ’em about the dream he
’ad heard while he was laying in ’is bunk.
Bill’s sister gave a scream when he ’ad finished, and Emily, wot was
sitting next to Joseph, got up with a shiver and went and sat next to
Bert Simmons and squeezed his coat-sleeve.
“It’s all nonsense!” ses Joseph, starting up. “And if it wasn’t, true
love would run the risk. I ain’t afraid!”
“It’s too much to ask a gal,” ses Bert Simmons, shaking his ’ead.
“I couldn’t dream of it,” ses Emily. “Wot’s the use of being married
for a week? Look at uncle’s leg—that’s enough for me!”
They all talked at once then, and Joseph tried all he could to persuade
Emily to prove to the cook that ’is dreams didn’t always come true; but
it was no good. Emily said she wouldn’t marry ’im if he ’ad a million a
year, and her aunt and uncle backed her up in it—to say nothing of Bert
Simmons.
“I’ll go up and get your presents, Joseph,” she ses; and she ran
upstairs afore anybody could stop her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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