Then it began. Pinckney could not keep this woman out of his head. He
would think of her at all times, alone and in company. Her face would
come to him in the loneliness of the sea, in the loneliness of crowds;
the strong spirit of the morning was hers, and the sadness of the
sunset and the wakeful watches of the night. Her face was in the clouds
of evening, in the sea-coal fire by night; her spirit in the dreams of
summer morns, in the hopeless breakers on the stormy shores, in the
useless, endless effort of the sea. Her eyes made some strange shining
through his dreams; and he would wake with a cry that she was going
from him, in the deepest hours of the night, as if in the dreams he had
lost her, vanishing forever in the daily crowd. Then he would lie awake
until morning, and all the laws of God and men would seem like cobwebs
to his sorrow, and the power of it freezing in his heart. This was the
ultimate nature of his being, to follow her, as drop of water blends in
drop of water, as frost rends rock. Let him then follow out his law, as
other beings do theirs; gravitation has no conscience; should he be
weaker than a drop of water, because he was conscious, and a man?
So these early morning battles would go on, and character, training,
conscience, would go down before the simpler force, like bands of man's
upon essential nature. Then, with the first ray of the dawn, he would
think of Emily Austin, sleeping near him, perhaps dreaming of him, and
his mad visions seemed to fade; and he would rise exhausted, and wander
out among the fresh fields and green dewy lanes, and calm, contentful
trees, and be glad that these things were so; yet could these not be
moved, nor their destiny be changed. And as for him, what did it
matter?
So the days went by. And Emily Austin looked upon him with eyes of
limitless love and trust, and Pinckney did not dare to look upon
himself; but his mind judged by day-time and his heart strove by night.
Hardly at all had he spoken to Miss Warfield since; and no reference
had ever been made between them to the accident, or to the talk between
them in the valley. Only Pinckney knew that she was to be married very
shortly; and he had urged Miss Austin to hasten their own wedding.
Emily went off with her mother to pay her last visit among the family,
and to make her preparations; and it was deemed proper that at this
time Pinckney should not be with her. So he stayed in Newport five long
days alone; and during this time he never spoke to Miss Warfield. I
believe he tried not to look at her: she did not look at him. And on
the fifth night Pinckney swore that he must speak to her once more,
whatever happened.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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