Later on I got next to the fact that he was some kind of a healer, and
that the proper thing to do was to call him Doc. Seems he had a
four-by-nine office on the top floor back, over the Studio, and that he
was just startin' to introduce the Vedic stunt to New York. Mostly he
worked the mailorder racket. He showed me his ad in the Sunday personal
column, and it was all to the velvet. Accordin' to his own
specifications he was a head-liner in the East Indian philosophy
business, whatever that was. He'd just torn himself away from the
crowned heads of Europe for an American tour, and he stood ready to
ladle out advice to statesmen, tinker up broken hearts, forecast the
future, and map out the road to Wellville for millionaires who'd gone
off their feed.
He sure had a full bag of tricks to draw from; but I've noticed that the
more glass balls you try to keep in the air at once, the surer you are
to queer the act. And Pinphoodle didn't look like a gent that kept the
receivin' teller workin' overtime.
There was something about him, though, that was kind of dignified. He
was the style of chap that would blow his last dime on havin' his collar
'n' cuffs polished, and would go without eatin' rather than frisk the
free lunch at a beer joint. He was willin' to talk about anything but
the female with the gimlet eyes and the keen-cutter tongue.
"She is a mistaken, misguided person," says he. "And by the way,
Professor McCabe, there is a fire-escape, I believe, which leads from my
office down to your back windows. Would it be presuming too much if I
should ask you to admit me there occasionally, in the event of my
being--er--pursued again?"
"It ain't a board bill, is it, Doc?" says I.
"Nothing of the kind, I assure you," says he.
"Glad to hear it," says I. "As a rule, I don't run no rock-of-ages
refuge, but I likes to be neighborly, so help yourself."
We fixed it up that way, and about every so often I'd see Doc Pinphoodle
slidin' in the back window, with a worried look on his face, and iron
rust on his trousers. He was a quiet neighbor, though--didn't torture
the cornet, or deal in voice culture, or get me to cash checks that came
back with remarks in red ink written on 'em.
I was wonderin' how the Vedic stunt was catchin' on, when all of a
sudden he buds out in an eight-dollar hat, this year's model, and begins
to lug around an iv'ry-handled cane.
"I'm glad they're comin' your way, Doc," says I.
"Thanks," says he. "If I can in any measure repay some of the many
kindnesses which you have--"
"Sponge it off," says I. "Maybe I'll want to throw a lady off the scent
myself, some day."
A week or so later I misses him altogether, and the janitor tells me
he's paid up and moved. Well, they come and go like that, so it don't do
to feel lonesome; but I had the floor swept under the couch reg'lar, on
a chance that he might show up again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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