“She is sufficiently polyglot to have none.”
“She dresses and talks and behaves generally like a lady?”
“She does,” said I.
“In what way then does she differ from the women of our class?”
“She is less schooled, less reticent, franker, more natural. What is on
her tongue to say, she says.”
“Temper?”
“I have never heard her say an angry word to or of a human creature. She
has queer delicacies of feeling. For instance----”
I told her of Anastasius Papadopoulos's tawdry, gimcrack presents which
Lola has suffered to remain in her drawing-room so as not to hurt the
poor little wretch.
“That's very touching. Where does she live?”
“She has a flat in Cadogan Gardens.”
“Is she in London now?”
“Yes.”
“I should like very much to know her,” she said calmly.
I vow and declare again that the more straightforward and open-eyed, the
less subtle, temperamental, and neurotic are women, the more are they
baffling. I had wondered for some time whither the catechism tended,
and now, with a sudden jerk, it stopped short at this most unexpected
terminus. It was startling. I rose and mechanically placed my empty
tea-cup on the tray by her side.
“The wish, my dear Eleanor,” said I, quite formally, “does great credit
to your heart.”
There was a short pause, marking an automatic close of the subject.
Deeply as I admired both women, I shrank from the idea of their meeting.
It seemed curiously indelicate, in view both of my former engagement
to Eleanor and of Lola's frank avowal of her feelings towards me before
what I shall always regard as my death. It is true that we had never
alluded to it since my resurrection; but what of that? Lola's feelings,
I was sure, remained unaltered. It also flashed on me that, with all the
goodwill in the world, Eleanor would not understand Lola. An interview
would develop into a duel. I pictured it for a second, and my sudden
fierce partisanship for Lola staggered me. Decidedly an acquaintance
between these two was preposterous.
The silence was definite enough to mark a period, but not long enough to
cause embarrassment. Eleanor commented on my present employment. I must
find it good to get back to politics.
“I find it to the contrary,” said I, with a laugh. “My convictions,
always lukewarm, are now stone-cold. I don't say that the principles of
the party are wrong. But they're wrong for me, which is all-important.
If they are not right for me, what care I how right they be? And as I
don't believe in those of the other side, I'm going to give up politics
altogether.”
“What will you do?”
“I don't know. I honestly don't. But I have an insistent premonition
that I shall soon find myself doing something utterly idiotic, which to
me will be the most real thing in life.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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