Bildungsromans; England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction
The names of familiar villages upon the signposts lost
their intimations of sane humanity, and turned to horrible abstractions
of the dead life of the misshapen boot or empty matchbox at their foot.
The comfortable assurance of a prosperous and unvexed country rolling
away to right and left forsook him, and only the pallid road writhed
along through the twilight. “My nerves are in a rotten state,” he told
himself, and he was very glad to see Basingstead Manor twinkling in the
night below, while himself was still walking shadowless in a sickly
dusk.
In the drawing-room of Cobble Place all was calm, as indeed, Michael
thought, why on earth should it not be? Mrs. Carthew’s serene old age
drove out the last memory of the coroner’s court, and here was Mrs.
Ross coming out of a circle of lamplight to greet him, and here in
Cobble Place was her small son sleeping.
“You look tired and pale, Michael,” said Mrs. Ross. “Why didn’t you
wire which train you were coming by? I would have met you with the
chaise.”
“Poor fellow, of course he’s tired!” said Mrs. Carthew. “A most
disturbing experience. Come along. Dinner will do him good.”
The notion of suicide began to grow more remote from reality in this
room, which had always been to Michael soft and fragrant like a great
rose in whose heart, for very despair of being able ever to express in
words the perfection of it, one swoons to be buried. The evening went
the calm course of countless evenings at Cobble Place. Michael played
at backgammon with Mrs. Carthew: Joan Carthew worked at the accounts of
a parochial charity: May Carthew knitted: Mrs. Ross, reading in the
lamplight, met from time to time Michael’s glances with a concern that
never displayed itself beyond the pitch of an unexacting sympathy. He
was glad, as the others rustled to greet the ten strokes of the clock,
to hear Mrs. Ross say she would stay up for a while and keep him
company.
“Unless you want to work?” she added.
Michael shook his head.
When the others had gone to bed, he turned to her:
“Do you know, Mrs. Ross, I believe I could have prevented Prescott’s
death. He began to talk about Stella, and I felt embarrassed and came
away.”
“Oh, my dear Michael, I think you’re probably accusing yourself most
unfairly. How could you have supposed the terrible sequel to your
dinner?”
“That’s just it. I believe I did know.”
“You thought he was going to kill himself?”
“No, I didn’t think anything so definite as that, but I had an
intuition to ask him to come away with me, and I was afraid he’d think
it rather cheek and, oh, Mrs. Ross, what on earth good am I? I believe
I’ve got the gift of understanding people, and yet I’m afraid to use
it. Shall I ever learn?”
Michael looked at Mrs. Ross in despair. He was exasperated by his own
futility. He went on to rail at himself.
“The only gift I have got! And then my detestable self-consciousness
wrecks the first decent chance I’ve had to turn it to account.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account