Bildungsromans; England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction
Michael shook his head. He must go home.
“Aren’t you coming down West a bit?” asked Drake, in disappointment.
“The night’s still young.”
But Michael was not to be persuaded.
“Well, don’t let’s lose sight of each other now we’ve met. What’s your
club? I’ve just joined the Primrose myself. Not a bad little place. You
get a rare good one-and-sixpenny lunch. You ought to join. Or perhaps
you’re already suited?”
“I belong to the Bath,” said Michael.
“Oh, of course, if you’re suited, that’s all right. But any time you
want to join the Primrose just let me know and I’ll put you up. The sub
isn’t really very much. Guinea a year.”
Michael thanked him and escaped as quickly as he could. Outside even in
Oxford Street the air was full of summer, and the cool people
sauntering under the sapphirine sky were as welcome to his vision as if
he had waked from a fever. His head was throbbing with the heat of the
music-hall, and the freshness of night-air was delicious. He called a
hansom and told the driver to go to Blackfriars Bridge, and from there
slowly along the Embankment to Cheyne Walk. For a time he leaned back
in the cab, thinking of nothing, barely conscious of golden
thoroughfares, of figures in silhouette against the glitter, and of the
London roar rising and falling. Presently in the quiet of the shadowy
cross-streets he began to appreciate what seemed the terrible
importance to himself of Drake’s news.
“It concerns me,” he began to reiterate aloud. “It concerns me—me—me.
It’s useless to think that it doesn’t. It concerns me.”
Then a more ghastly suggestion whispered itself. How should he ever
know that he was not primarily responsible? The idea came over him with
sickening intensity; and upright now he saw in the cracked mirrors of
the cab a face blanched, a forehead clammy with sweat, and over his
shoulder like a goblin the wraith of Lily. It was horrible to see so
distorted that beautiful memory which time had etherealized out of a
reality, until of her being nothing had endured but a tenuous image of
earliest love. Now under the shock of her degradation he must be
dragged back by this goblin to face his responsibility. He must behold
again close at hand her shallow infidelity. He must assure himself of
her worthlessness, hammer into his brain that from the beginning she
had merely trifled with him. This must be established for the sake of
his conscience. Where the devil was this driver going?
“I told you down the Embankment,” Michael shouted through the trap.
“I can’t go down the Embankment before I gets there, can I, sir?” the
cabman asked reproachfully.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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