Country life -- England -- Fiction; England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
He did not think of her as a lover thinks of the mistress enthroned in
his heart, to worship her there. He had not consciously enthroned her as
yet. He thought of her as a wonderful revelation of something he must
surely have been looking for all his life, since it was impossible now
to think of life without her. She had come into his life, in some way
to translate its meaning for him—for both of them. She was a revelation
from the good influences all around him, as the vision of the fairies
had been. He had got as far as that, and had told her so. It had been
very sweet to tell her that; it would be sweet to tell her everything
that came into his head. There was nothing that he would not want to
tell her, at once and first of all. In his innocence of the world and
the way of the world, he had reached that point in love’s pilgrimage
where the loved one shines out as the sweet vessel into which all
confidences may be poured, and the desire is strong for a common aim and
a common vision. But he had not reached the point, which usually
precedes it, of an ardent desire for some sort of surrender. Perhaps it
is not true to say that he had not yet enthroned Viola in his heart, for
she sat there the centre of everything. But she sat there apart, as if
she had mounted the steps of the throne without his hand to raise her.
She must descend again and stand with him on the level ground of mutual
desire before her seat should be secure and acknowledged.
But as he waited for her, and the desire for her sheer presence became
stronger and stronger, he was being led towards that desire for
surrender. The sweetest thing now would be, not to pour himself out in
confidences to her, which would still be very sweet, but to obtain from
her that look or that word which would move him to the depths.
He went over in his mind the looks and words he had received from her,
and thirsted for more. The very first time their eyes had met, before a
word had been spoken between them, she had looked at him, with something
behind the look with which his memory blissfully played. Once or twice
that morning, by the pool, and again when she had turned towards him and
stood gazing, far off, there had been something that thrilled him with
happiness to remember. And there had been tones in her voice, little
things she had said—he dwelt upon them all, and longed to draw more of
them from her. He would say this to her; greatly daring, he would say
that. And she would reply; or if she spoke no answer he would watch her
face, and gain courage from it for speeches still more daring.
But an hour passed, and she had not come to him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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