England -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Families -- England -- Fiction; Women -- England -- Fiction
"I hope you're not going to blame me and marriage this time?" asked
Geoffrey, with a faint accent of anxiety under his light manner.
Helen smiled at him frankly.
"Good God, no," she said, "I know better now. I've got you perfectly
in place, Geoffrey. You're the one absolutely necessary thing in my
life that I shall probably always stick to. All this stuff," she
waved an airy hand round the studio, "is variable, if you know what I
mean. I can't do without it, but it changes. Heaven knows it's bad
enough now, but sometime I'm going to do something good."
"Do you mean you've arranged your life in compartments, with me in
one and your painting in another, and so on?"
"No I don't mean that. I did try it at one time, but it was
hopeless. When I got mad with my painting, my rage overlapped out of
the painting compartment into yours. But now it's different; you're
separate from everything and yet at the bottom of everything. I
can't explain quite what I mean, but it works all right."
"Darling, do you mean that in your mind I'm independent of the other
things you care about, but in a way they are dependent on me?"
"Yes, I think that's it. Anyhow I'm happy."
"So am I, Helen, really frightfully happy."
"And what's more Geoffrey I think I'll probably be able to fit a
child in too."
"Do you mean that you want one? Don't do it for me; I'm perfectly
satisfied with things as they are."
Helen came over and sat beside Geoffrey on the sofa, leaning back in
her corner and gazing at the fire. She was silent for a few minutes,
and Geoffrey looking at the firelight playing over her bright hair
wondered vaguely what she was thinking.
"I don't think I specially want one," she said at last, "at least if
I do it's for pure idiotic sentimental reasons. But on the other
hand I'm not sure that I won't paint better after I've had one; you
can't be certain really that every possible experience isn't all to
the good."
"I think probably it is," agreed Geoffrey, "Of course I like you to
want one for idiotic sentimental reasons; it makes me feel surer of
you; but quite apart from that there is your painting. I know you're
depressed about it just now and it might start you off working again
if you had a child."
"Geoffrey, you're rather sweet to me," said Helen impulsively, "I
think it's touching of you to understand that having a baby might
make me paint better. It's a topsy turvy idea I know, but I can't
help seeing it in that way."
"Sometime I suppose you'll get used to my being able to see things
from your point of view," said Geoffrey contentedly.
Helen lifted his hand and kissed it.
"I don't think I'll get too used to you, darling," she said, "I
really love you very much."
The telephone rang in the hall before Geoffrey could answer her.
"Damn," she said getting up lazily, "I'm sure that's your mother, she
always rings up at this time of night because she feels sure of
getting us both at once."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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