American fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, American
Not until the second act did Col. Webster Calhoun appear upon the
stage. When he made his entry Major Talbot gave an audible sniff,
glared at him, and seemed to freeze solid. Miss Lydia uttered a little,
ambiguous squeak and crumpled her programme in her hand. For Colonel
Calhoun was made up as nearly resembling Major Talbot as one pea does
another. The long, thin white hair, curly at the ends, the aristocratic
beak of a nose, the crumpled, wide, ravelling shirt front, the string
tie, with the bow nearly under one ear, were almost exactly duplicated.
And then, to clinch the imitation, he wore the twin to the major’s
supposed to be unparalleled coat. High-collared, baggy, empire-waisted,
ample-skirted, hanging a foot lower in front than behind, the garment
could have been designed from no other pattern. From then on, the major
and Miss Lydia sat bewitched, and saw the counterfeit presentment of a
haughty Talbot “dragged,” as the major afterward expressed it, “through
the slanderous mire of a corrupt stage.”
Mr. Hargraves had used his opportunities well. He had caught the
major’s little idiosyncrasies of speech, accent, and intonation and his
pompous courtliness to perfection—exaggerating all to the purposes of
the stage. When he performed that marvellous bow that the major fondly
imagined to be the pink of all salutations, the audience sent forth a
sudden round of hearty applause.
Miss Lydia sat immovable, not daring to glance toward her father.
Sometimes her hand next to him would be laid against her cheek, as if
to conceal the smile which, in spite of her disapproval, she could not
entirely suppress.
The culmination of Hargraves’s audacious imitation took place in the
third act. The scene is where Colonel Calhoun entertains a few of the
neighbouring planters in his “den.”
Standing at a table in the centre of the stage, with his friends
grouped about him, he delivers that inimitable, rambling, character
monologue so famous in “A Magnolia Flower,” at the same time that he
deftly makes juleps for the party.
Major Talbot, sitting quietly, but white with indignation, heard his
best stories retold, his pet theories and hobbies advanced and
expanded, and the dream of the “Anecdotes and Reminiscences” served,
exaggerated and garbled. His favourite narrative—that of his duel with
Rathbone Culbertson—was not omitted, and it was delivered with more
fire, egotism, and gusto than the major himself put into it.
The monologue concluded with a quaint, delicious, witty little lecture
on the art of concocting a julep, illustrated by the act. Here Major
Talbot’s delicate but showy science was reproduced to a hair’s
breadth—from his dainty handling of the fragrant weed—“the
one-thousandth part of a grain too much pressure, gentlemen, and you
extract the bitterness, instead of the aroma, of this heaven-bestowed
plant”—to his solicitous selection of the oaten straws.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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