Sketches by Boz, Illustrative of Every-Day Life and Every-Day PeopleDickens, Charles
General
Sketches by Boz, Illustrative of Every-Day Life and Every-Day People
Dickens, Charles
London (England) -- Social life and customs -- 19th century; London (England) -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
The arrivals increase in number, and the heat and noise increase in
very unpleasant proportion. The livery servants form a complete lane on
either side of the passage, and you reduce yourself into the smallest
possible space to avoid being turned out. You see that stout man with
the hoarse voice, in the blue coat, queer-crowned, broad-brimmed hat,
white corduroy breeches, and great boots, who has been talking
incessantly for half an hour past, and whose importance has occasioned
no small quantity of mirth among the strangers. That is the great
conservator of the peace of Westminster. You cannot fail to have
remarked the grace with which he saluted the noble Lord who passed just
now, or the excessive dignity of his air, as he expostulates with the
crowd. He is rather out of temper now, in consequence of the very
irreverent behaviour of those two young fellows behind him, who have
done nothing but laugh all the time they have been here.
‘Will they divide to-night, do you think, Mr. ---’ timidly inquires a
little thin man in the crowd, hoping to conciliate the man of office.
‘How _can_ you ask such questions, sir?’ replies the functionary, in an
incredibly loud key, and pettishly grasping the thick stick he carries
in his right hand. ‘Pray do not, sir. I beg of you; pray do not, sir.’
The little man looks remarkably out of his element, and the uninitiated
part of the throng are in positive convulsions of laughter.
Just at this moment some unfortunate individual appears, with a very
smirking air, at the bottom of the long passage. He has managed to
elude the vigilance of the special constable downstairs, and is
evidently congratulating himself on having made his way so far.
‘Go back, sir—you must _not_ come here,’ shouts the hoarse one, with
tremendous emphasis of voice and gesture, the moment the offender
catches his eye.
The stranger pauses.
‘Do you hear, sir—will you go back?’ continues the official dignitary,
gently pushing the intruder some half-dozen yards.
‘Come, don’t push me,’ replies the stranger, turning angrily round.
‘I will, sir.’
‘You won’t, sir.’
‘Go out, sir.’
‘Take your hands off me, sir.’
‘Go out of the passage, sir.’
‘You’re a Jack-in-office, sir.’
‘A what?’ ejaculates he of the boots.
‘A Jack-in-office, sir, and a very insolent fellow,’ reiterates the
stranger, now completely in a passion.
‘Pray do not force me to put you out, sir,’ retorts the other—‘pray do
not—my instructions are to keep this passage clear—it’s the Speaker’s
orders, sir.’
‘D-n the Speaker, sir!’ shouts the intruder.
‘Here, Wilson!—Collins!’ gasps the officer, actually paralysed at this
insulting expression, which in his mind is all but high treason; ‘take
this man out—take him out, I say! How dare you, sir?’ and down goes the
unfortunate man five stairs at a time, turning round at every stoppage,
to come back again, and denouncing bitter vengeance against the
commander-in-chief, and all his supernumeraries.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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