Sketches in Lavender, Blue and GreenJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Sketches in Lavender, Blue and Green
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Manners and customs -- Fiction; Short stories, English
Two years later he permanently injured his left eye, showing the cat how
to carry kittens without hurting them, and about the same period was
dangerously stung by a bee while conveying it from a flower where, as it
seemed to him, it was only wasting its time, to one more rich in honey-
making properties.
His desire was always to help others. He would spend whole mornings
explaining to elderly hens how to hatch eggs, and would give up an
afternoon's black-berrying to sit at home and crack nuts for his pet
squirrel. Before he was seven he would argue with his mother upon the
management of children, and reprove his father for the way he was
bringing him up.
As a child nothing could afford him greater delight than "minding" other
children, or them less. He would take upon himself this harassing duty
entirely of his own accord, without hope of reward or gratitude. It was
immaterial to him whether the other children were older than himself or
younger, stronger or weaker, whenever and wherever he found them he set
to work to "mind" them. Once, during a school treat, piteous cries were
heard coming from a distant part of the wood, and upon search being made,
he was discovered prone upon the ground, with a cousin of his, a boy
twice his own weight, sitting upon him and steadily whacking him. Having
rescued him, the teacher said:
"Why don't you keep with the little boys? What are you doing along with
him?"
"Please, sir," was the answer, "I was minding him."
He would have "minded" Noah if he had got hold of him.
He was a good-natured lad, and at school he was always willing for the
whole class to copy from his slate--indeed he would urge them to do so.
He meant it kindly, but inasmuch as his answers were invariably quite
wrong--with a distinctive and inimitable wrongness peculiar to
himself--the result to his followers was eminently unsatisfactory; and
with the shallowness of youth that, ignoring motives, judges solely from
results, they would wait for him outside and punch him.
All his energies went to the instruction of others, leaving none for his
own purposes. He would take callow youths to his chambers and teach them
to box.
"Now, try and hit me on the nose," he would say, standing before them in
an attitude of defence. "Don't be afraid. Hit as hard as ever you can."
And they would do it. And so soon as he had recovered from his surprise,
and a little lessened the bleeding, he would explain to them how they had
done it all wrong, and how easily he could have stopped the blow if they
had only hit him properly.
Twice at golf he lamed himself for over a week, showing a novice how to
"drive"; and at cricket on one occasion I remember seeing his middle
stump go down like a ninepin just as he was explaining to the bowler how
to get the balls in straight. After which he had a long argument with
the umpire as to whether he was in or out.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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