He has been known, during a stormy Channel passage, to rush excitedly upon the bridge in order to inform the captain that he had "just seen a light about two miles away to the left"; and if he is on the top of an omnibus he generally sits beside the driver, and points out to him the various obstacles likely to impede their progress. It was upon an omnibus that my own personal acquaintanceship with him began. I was sitting behind two ladies when the conductor came up to collect fares. One of them handed him a sixpence telling him to take to Piccadilly Circus, which was twopence. "No," said the other lady to her friend, handing the man a shilling, "I owe you sixpence, you give me fourpence and I'll pay for the two." The conductor took the shilling, punched two twopenny tickets, and then stood trying to think it out. "That's right," said the lady who had spoken last, "give my friend fourpence." The conductor did so. "Now you give that fourpence to me." The friend handed it to her. "And you," she concluded to the conductor, "give me eightpence, then we shall be all right." The conductor doled out to her the eightpence--the sixpence he had taken from the first lady, with a penny and two halfpennies out of his own bag--distrustfully, and retired, muttering something about his duties not including those of a lightning calculator. "Now," said the elder lady to the younger, "I owe you a shilling." I deemed the incident closed, when suddenly a florid gentleman on the opposite seat called out in stentorian tones:-- "Hi, conductor! you've cheated these ladies out of fourpence." "'Oo's cheated 'oo out 'o fourpence?" replied the indignant conductor from the top of the steps, "it was a twopenny fare." "Two twopences don't make eightpence," retorted the florid gentleman hotly. "How much did you give the fellow, my dear?" he asked, addressing the first of the young ladies. "I gave him sixpence," replied the lady, examining her purse. "And then I gave you fourpence, you know," she added, addressing her companion. "That's a dear two pen'oth," chimed in a common-looking man on the seat behind. "Oh, that's impossible, dear," returned the other, "because I owed you sixpence to begin with." "But I did," persisted the first lady. "You gave me a shilling," said the conductor, who had returned, pointing an accusing forefinger at the elder of the ladies. The elder lady nodded. "And I gave you sixpence and two pennies, didn't I?" The lady admitted it. "An' I give 'er"--he pointed towards the younger lady--"fourpence, didn't I?" "Which I gave you, you know, dear," remarked the younger lady. "Blow me if it ain't _me_ as 'as been cheated out of the fourpence," cried the conductor. "But," said the florid gentleman, "the other lady gave you sixpence." "Which I give to 'er," replied the conductor, again pointing the finger of accusation at the elder lady. "You can search my bag if yer like. I ain't got a bloomin' sixpence on me."