Sketches in Lavender, Blue and GreenJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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Sketches in Lavender, Blue and Green
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Manners and customs -- Fiction; Short stories, English
As ill fate would have it a chance speculation doubled his fortune, and
it became necessary that he should go into Parliament and start a yacht.
Parliament made his head ache, and the yacht made him sick.
Notwithstanding, every summer he would fill it with a lot of expensive
people who bored him, and sail away for a month's misery in the
Mediterranean.
During one cruise his guests built up a highly-interesting gambling
scandal. He himself was confined to his cabin at the time, and knew
nothing about it; but the Opposition papers, getting hold of the story,
referred casually to the yacht as a "floating hell," and _The Police
News_ awarded his portrait the place of honour as the chief criminal of
the week.
Later on he got into a cultured set, ruled by a thick-lipped
undergraduate. His favourite literature had hitherto been of the Corelli
and _Tit-Bits_ order, but now he read Meredith and the yellow book, and
tried to understand them; and instead of the Gaiety, he subscribed to the
Independent Theatre, and fed "his soul," on Dutch Shakespeares. What he
liked in art was a pretty girl by a cottage-door with an eligible young
man in the background, or a child and a dog doing something funny. They
told him these things were wrong and made him buy "Impressions" that
stirred his liver to its deepest depths every time he looked at
them--green cows on red hills by pink moonlight, or scarlet-haired
corpses with three feet of neck.
He said meekly that such seemed to him unnatural, but they answered that
nature had nothing to do with the question; that the artist saw things
like that, and that whatever an artist saw--no matter in what condition
he may have been when he saw it--that was art.
They took him to Wagner festivals and Burne-Jones's private views. They
read him all the minor poets. They booked seats for him at all Ibsen's
plays. They introduced him into all the most soulful circles of artistic
society. His days were one long feast of other people's enjoyments.
One morning I met him coming down the steps of the Arts Club. He looked
weary. He was just off to a private view at the New Gallery. In the
afternoon he had to attend an amateur performance of "The Cenci," given
by the Shelley Society. Then followed three literary and artistic At
Homes, a dinner with an Indian nabob who couldn't speak a word of
English, "Tristam and Isolde" at Covent Garden Theatre, and a ball at
Lord Salisbury's to wind up the day.
I laid my hand upon his shoulder.
"Come with me to Epping Forest," I said. "There's a four-horse brake
starts from Charing Cross at eleven. It's Saturday, and there's bound to
be a crowd down there. I'll play you a game of skittles, and we will
have a shy at the cocoa-nuts. You used to be rather smart at cocoa-nuts.
We can have lunch there and be back at seven, dine at the Troc., spend
the evening at the Empire, and sup at the Savoy. What do you say?"
He stood hesitating on the steps, a wistful look in his eyes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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