Sketches in Lavender, Blue and GreenJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Sketches in Lavender, Blue and Green
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Manners and customs -- Fiction; Short stories, English
After a while Whibley bought a table, and encouraged it to launch out
into more active conversation. To please Whibley, I assisted at some of
the earlier seances, but during my presence it invariably maintained a
reticence bordering on positive dulness. I gathered from Whibley that it
disliked me, thinking that I was unsympathetic. The complaint was
unjust; I was not unsympathetic, at least not at the commencement. I
came to hear it talk, and I wanted to hear it talk; I would have listened
to it by the hour. What tired me was its slowness in starting, and its
foolishness when it had started, in using long words that it did not know
how to spell. I remember on one occasion, Whibley, Jobstock (Whibley's
partner), and myself, sitting for two hours, trying to understand what
the thing meant by "H-e-s-t-u-r-n-e-m-y-s-f-e-a-r." It used no stops
whatever. It never so much as hinted where one sentence ended and
another began. It never even told us when it came to a proper name. Its
idea of an evening's conversation was to plump down a hundred or so
vowels and consonants in front of you and leave you to make whatever
sense out of them you could.
We fancied at first it was talking about somebody named Hester (it had
spelt Hester with a "u" before we allowed a margin for spelling), and we
tried to work the sentence out on that basis, "Hester enemies fear," we
thought it might be. Whibley had a niece named Hester, and we decided
the warning had reference to her. But whether she was our enemy, and we
were to fear her, or whether we had to fear her enemies (and, if so, who
were they?), or whether it was our enemies who were to be frightened by
Hester, or her enemies, or enemies generally, still remained doubtful. We
asked the table if it meant the first suggestion, and it said "No." We
asked what it did mean, and it said "Yes."
This answer annoyed me, but Whibley explained that the Spirit was angry
with us for our stupidity (which seemed quaint). He informed us that it
always said first "No," and then "Yes," when it was angry, and as it was
his Spirit, and we were in his house, we kept our feelings to ourselves
and started afresh.
This time we abandoned the "Hestur" theory altogether. Jobstock
suggested "Haste" for the first word, and, thought the Spirit might have
gone on phonetically.
"Haste! you are here, Miss Sfear!" was what he made of it.
Whibley asked him sarcastically if he'd kindly explain what that meant.
I think Jobstock was getting irritable. We had been sitting cramped up
round a wretched little one-legged table all the evening, and this was
almost the first bit of gossip we had got out of it. To further excuse
him, it should also be explained that the gas had been put out by
Whibley, and that the fire had gone out of its own accord. He replied
that it was hard labour enough to find out what the thing said without
having to make sense of it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account