Sketches in Lavender, Blue and GreenJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Sketches in Lavender, Blue and Green
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Manners and customs -- Fiction; Short stories, English
I had come to spend a few weeks at a boarding establishment in Deal. He
was the only other young man in the house, and I was naturally thrown a
good deal upon his society. He was a pleasant, genial young fellow, but
he would have been better company had he been a little less enthusiastic
as regards tennis.
He played tennis ten hours a day on the average. He got up romantic
parties to play it by moonlight (when half his time was generally taken
up in separating his opponents), and godless parties to play it on
Sundays. On wet days I have seen him practising services by himself in a
mackintosh and goloshes.
He had been spending the winter with his people at Tangiers, and I asked
him how he liked the place.
"Oh, a beast of a hole!" he replied. "There is not a court anywhere in
the town. We tried playing on the roof, but the _mater_ thought it
dangerous."
Switzerland he had been delighted with. He counselled me next time I
went to stay at Zermatt.
"There is a capital court at Zermatt," he said. "You might almost fancy
yourself at Wimbledon."
A mutual acquaintance whom I subsequently met told me that at the top of
the Jungfrau he had said to him, his eyes fixed the while upon a small
snow plateau enclosed by precipices a few hundred feet below them--
"By Jove! That wouldn't make half a bad little tennis court--that flat
bit down there. Have to be careful you didn't run back too far."
When he was not playing tennis, or practising tennis, or reading about
tennis, he was talking about tennis. Renshaw was the prominent figure in
the tennis world at that time, and he mentioned Renshaw until there grew
up within my soul a dark desire to kill Renshaw in a quiet,
unostentatious way, and bury him.
One drenching afternoon he talked tennis to me for three hours on end,
referring to Renshaw, so far as I kept count, four thousand nine hundred
and thirteen times. After tea he drew his chair to the window beside me,
and commenced--
"Have you ever noticed how Renshaw--"
I said--
"Suppose someone took a gun--someone who could aim very straight--and
went out and shot Renshaw till he was quite dead, would you tennis
players drop him and talk about somebody else?"
"Oh, but who would shoot Renshaw?" he said indignantly.
"Never mind," I said, "supposing someone did?"
"Well, then, there would be his brother," he replied.
I had forgotten that.
"Well, we won't argue about how many of them there are," I said. "Suppose
someone killed the lot, should we hear less of Renshaw?"
"Never," he replied emphatically. "Renshaw will always be a name
wherever tennis is spoken of."
I dread to think what the result might have been had his answer been
other than it was.
The next year he dropped tennis completely and became an ardent amateur
photographer, whereupon all his friends implored him to return to tennis,
and sought to interest him in talk about services and returns and
volleys, and in anecdotes concerning Renshaw. But he would not heed
them.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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