And I’m very seldom good,
I’ll----”
She broke off and glanced over at him, making her mouth sad. “You do sit
far away.” When he made no motion to accept her invitation, she smiled
the unreserved smile of friendship. “Look here, if I come half way over,
will you?”
She made the journey and waited for him to follow her example. He came
reluctantly, but not all the way; there was still a gap between them.
“Well, if you won’t, I’ll have to be forward.” She closed up the
distance. “There! Isn’t that happier?”
“Yes. But what’s the good? We’re in the middle of streets and nearly
there now.”
“I was tired,” she said appealingly. “I thought you’d understand.”
It was impossible to resist her. Perhaps she had been tired. Perhaps she
had done with him what she would have dared to do with no other man; and
what he had mistaken for indifference and distrust had been a reliance
on his chivalry.
“I do understand.”
“I wonder.”
Ahead, across the misty greenness of the Park, the troglodyte dwellings
of the West Side barricaded the horizon. In some of the windows lights
were springing up. It was as though lonely people flashed unnoticed
signals to the cold hearts beating in the heavens.
“Desire, why do we try to hurt each other?”
“Do we? I wasn’t trying. I was thinking of something that Fluffy told
Horace. She said that men never married the women who said ‘Yes.’ It’s
the women who say ‘No’ sweetly that men marry.”
“So you were saying ‘No’ sweetly by keeping quiet.”
“I was looking back to find out if it was true.”
“And is it?”
She gazed down demurely at her folded hands. “I once knew a girl; she
didn’t care a straw for her man. He waited for her for five years
always hoping, and she made all kinds of cruel jokes about him. Then one
night--she didn’t know how it happened--all the ice broke and she felt
that she wanted him most awfully. They were alone. Suddenly, without
warning and without being asked, she kissed him and put her arms about
his neck---- Can you guess what he did? You’re a man. You ought to
know.”
“He kissed her back again, I suppose, and after that they were married.”
“Wrong. He picked up his hat and walked out of the house. He’d made her
want him ten times worse than he’d ever wanted her. He never went back.”
“But why? I don’t understand.”
They were on Riverside Drive. The taxi was halting. She leant forward
and opened the door. “He’d won, don’t you see? Because she’d given in he
despised her. It was the holding off that made her value.”
“A parable?”
As she jumped out, she glanced roguishly across her shoulder. “No. A
fact.”
To save time, since they both had to dress, they arranged to meet at the
theatre. The curtain had gone down on the first act when they entered.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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