It was no good going with her now. From the platform he watched her.
As the train began to move, he ran beside her window. At the point of
vanishing she smiled forgiveness and kissed the finger-tips of Miss
Self-Reliance.
In passing out of the station it occurred to him to inquire how long it
took to get to Springfield. He wanted to follow her in imagination and
to picture her at the exact hour of arrival. He was surprised to find
that it was such a short journey and that she might have gone by a later
train. If she’d been so sorry, she needn’t have left him in such a
hurry. When he came to reason things out, he saw that she could have
gone just as well on Monday, since Fluffy’s company was evidently
playing in Springfield another night. Perhaps she had a good reason for
going. It was some comfort to remember that at the last train. If she’d
been so sorry, she needn’t have left him in such a hurry. When he came
to reason things out, he saw that she could have gone just as well on
Monday, since Fluffy’s company was evidently playing in Springfield
another night. Perhaps she had a good reason for going. It was some
comfort to remember that at the last moment she had wanted to stay.
Then began the long days of waiting, from which all purpose in living
seemed to have been banished. Ambitions, which had goaded him forward,
were at a halt. Everything unconnected with her took on an air of
unreality. His personality became distasteful to him because it seemed
not to have attracted her sufficiently.
Things that once would have brought him happiness failed to stir him.
A boom was being worked for him. He was on the crest of a wave.
Interviewers were continually calling to get personal stories.
Articles appeared in which he confided to the public: “How I Became
Famous at Twenty-three,” “Why I Came to America,” “What I Think of New
York,” “Why I Distrust Co-education.” There seemed to be no subject,
however trivial, upon which his views were not of value to the hundred
million inhabitants of America. He was continually finding his face
in the papers. He sprang into an unexpected demand both as writer and
artist.
The fun he derived from this fluster was in imagining the added worth
it would give him in her eyes. He liked to think of her as dashing up to
news-stands and showering on him the enthusiasm he had seen her shower
on Fluffy. Success left him the more humble in proportion as it failed
to rouse her comment. If success couldn’t make her proud of him, there
must be some weakness in his character. He searched her letters for any
hint that would betray her knowledge of what was happening. Perhaps
her very omissions were a sign that she was feeling more than she
expressed. At last he wrote and told her. She replied inadequately,
“How very nice for you!” His hope had been that she would have included
herself as a sharer in his good fortune.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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