They were picking up the threads of each other’s lives and winding them
together. She told him about herself--how for long stretches, while her
mother had been on tour singing, she had been left in the care of maids,
and her favorite game had been to play that she was a great actress.
“And you’ll never guess why it was my favorite. I used to pretend that
my father was in the audience and came afterwards to tell me he was
proud of me. That’s why------ Do you think he would be proud of me?”
“He’d be proud of you without that, wild bird.”
“Why do you call me wild bird, Meester Deek? But I know: because I’m
always struggling and flying beyond my strength. You think that, if
I became an actress, I wouldn’t succeed. You don’t believe in me very
much. I’ll have to show you--have to show you all. Everybody discourages
me.”
His heart was beating furiously. Where was the good of hiding things?
She knew he was in earnest “My dear,” he said, and a kind disapproval
came into her eyes, “I believe in you so much--more than in any woman.
It isn’t that; but I’m afraid that you’ll lose so many things that
you’ll some day want.”
“You mean that an actress oughtn’t to marry? That’s what Fluffy
says--she must be like a man and live for her art. If you married, you’d
still go on sketching and writing; but men expect their wives to drop
everything. It’s selfish of them and hard.”
“But it’s always been like that and you’re not an actress yet, and--and,
if you were, it would be terrible to think of you going through
love-scenes every night with some one else.”
She laughed into his eyes; he almost believed that her talk had been an
ambush to lead him on. “You could be very jealous.”
She rose from the table. When they were settled in the hansom, she
whispered: “Let me be little again, Meester Deek. Tell me abouts knights
and faeries, the way you did when you were only Teddy.”
“There was once a knight,” he began, “who dreamt always of a princess
whom he would marry. At last he found her, and she pretended that she
didn’t want him.”
“And did she?”
“She did at last The title of the story is _The Princess Who Didn’t Know
Her Heart_.”
“Go on.”
“That’s all.”
“It’s very short.--That’s Miss Self-Reliance you’re holding, Meester
Deek. I don’t know whether she likes it.” And again she said in a drowsy
whisper, “I don’t know whether she likes it.”
They both fell silent, staring straight before them into the darkness.
“You don’t mind if I close my eyes, Meester Deek? I’m really tired.”
He answered her with a pressure of the hand. She drooped nearer. “You
are good to me.”
In a husky contented little voice, she began to sing to herself. It
was a darkie song about a pickaninny who had discovered that she was
different from the rest of the world because the white children refused
to play with her. To Teddy it seemed Desire’s pathetic way of explaining
to him the loneliness of her childhood. At the end of each verse the
colored mammy crooned comfortingly:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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