Two moods possessed him alternately: in the one he despised himself as
an austere person, in whom an undue restraint of upbringing had
dammed the stream of youth, so that it lay alone and unruffled as a
mountain-tarn; in the other he saw himself as a man with a chivalrous
duty.
Little by little he came to see that her faery lightheartedness, her
faculty for taking no thought for the morrow, made her an easy prey for
the morrow. Her ease in acquiring new friendships made friendship of
small value.
Her butterfly Sittings from pleasure to pleasure left her without
garnerings. She lived, he calculated, at the rate of at least five
thousand dollars per annum. But different people paid for it; she
contributed as her share her gay well-dressed schoolgirl self. The
chances were that she rarely had a five-dollar bill in her purse, and
yet she was accustoming herself to extravagance.
He began to watch her friends. When he ran over the list of them, he
found that they were all temporary, held by the flimsiest bonds
of common knowledge. They had been met at hotels, in pensions, on
transatlantic voyages. A good many of them were divorced or unattached
persons. They were all on the wing; none of them seemed to comply with
any settled code of morals. The more he saw of her, the more aghast he
became at the precariousness of her prosperity. Some day these friends,
who could dispense with her for months together, would happen all to
dispense with her at the same moment Then the telephone, which was her
wizard summons to dinners, balls, and motor-parties, would suddenly grow
silent. She would wait and listen; and listen and wait; her round of
gayeties would be ended. Perhaps this thirst for the insubstantial
things of life was a part of the price which Hal had mentioned. Did she
know it? Winged creature as she was, she must covet the security of
a nest sometimes, though, while she was without it, she affected to
despise it as dullness.
When he married her---- He became lost in thought
If they went on living as they were living now, his career would be torn
to shreds by her unsatisfied energy. They would have to settle down. In
putting up with any irritations that might result, he’d be helping her
to pay the penalty--the penalty which Vashti had imposed on so many
lives--on her own most of all--by her early selfishness. Towering above
his passion and mingling with it oddly, was the great determination
to save her from the ruinous lightness to which her mother’s undefined
social position had committed her.
She was fully aware of the unspoken strictures which lent melancholy to
his ardor.
“You think I’m a silly little moth. I know you do. I’m pyschic. You
think I’m fluttering about a candle and that my wings’ll get scorched.
Just you wait. I’ll have to show you.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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