So he kissed the little mole on the back as well. Curious that he should
take so little, when his heart cried out for so much! His head was
swimming. He felt nothing, saw nothing but her presence.
“I wouldn’t have let you do that once,” she whispered.
In the long silence that followed, the snow-laden trees shivered,
muttering their suspense. Each time he tried to meet her eyes, she
looked away as though his glance scorched her.
“My dear! My dearest!”
She did not answer.
“I love you. I’ve always loved you. I can’t live without you. You’re
more to me than anything in the world.”
“Don’t say that” Her voice trembled. “It’s terrible to love people so
much; you give them such power to hurt you. I might die, or I might love
some one else, or----”
“But you don’t--you wouldn’t.”
His arm stole about her neck. Like a child fondling a child, he tried to
coax her face towards him. He yearned, as if his soul depended on it,
to rest his lips on hers. She smiled, closing her eyes in denial. As he
leant out, she turned her face swiftly aside. He kissed her where the
little false curl quivered.
“Oh, Meester Deek, why must you kiss me? Where’s the good of it? Can’t
we be just friends?”
“All my life I’ve loved you,” he pleaded hoarsely. “Doesn’t it mean
anything to you? Care for me a little--only a little, Desire. Say you
do, and I’ll be content.”
“I’m not good,” she whispered humbly. “You don’t know anything about me;
and yet you’ve seen what I am. My friends are all so gay; I like them
to be gay. And I want to be an actress; and I live for clothes and
vanities. You’d soon get sick of me if we married.--Dear Meester Deek,
please let’s be as we were. I’ve tried to spare you because I don’t love
you so as to marry you. I couldn’t give up my way of living even for
you. I never could love you as you deserve.”
“But you do love me,” he urged. “Look at the way we’ve gone about
together. I’ve never tired you, have I? If I had, you wouldn’t have
wanted to see me so much. You must love me, Desire.” Then, in a voice
which was scarcely above a breath, “I would ask so little if you married
me.”
“You dear fellow!”
She laid her cool cheek against his, trying to give comfort for what she
had done. Their bodies grew hushed, listen-ing for each other. The wood,
with its snow-paved aisles and arcades of twisted turnings, became a white
cathedral in, which their hearts beat as one and worshiped.
“You do love me, Princess.”
“I’m cold,” she whispered mournfully. “I’m trying to feel what I ought
to be feeling, but I can’t. I’m disappointed. God left something out
when He made me. If only you weren’t so fine, but---- My dear, you’re
better than any man I ever met. I couldn’t be good the way you are, and
I’m ashamed to be worse. Sometimes I’m almost bitter against you for
your goodness. My beautiful mother.--I’m all she has. And there’s your
family. I haven’t any. I’ve missed so much. Surely you under-stand?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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